misogyny

I am Not My Vagina And Sexist Attitudes Toward Womanhood

Disclaimer: Blunt descriptions below.

It always grieves my heart whenever I see sexist depictions of the female vagina.

In this era, I cannot believe that the value of a woman is still being placed on the appearance of what is between her legs or rather, what constitutes her womanhood. That some clueless personas have taken it upon themselves to make disturbing descriptions of a woman’s vagina, all in a bid to depict a pure or what they consider an impure woman. Don’t these persons know that they came out from that same vagina they now shamelessly drag through the mud? And when women go along with these supposed jokes, it sickens me.

Can’t you see that we are being made fun of? That when a fellow woman is bashed it is literally the whole female fraternity that is being bashed? Women, we need to be each other’s keeper. We need to band together and say no to these ugly jokes about the female vagina.

Image on sexism courtesy of magoz-illustration

I know some may argue that even women are guilty of the same crime directed toward the male genitalia. This is just but a testament of what our society has since degenerated into. That instead of gauging someone’s worth based on character, we have since decided to include private parts in the picture and have some sick fun in the process. I can say this with confidence that whoever engages in this kind of unsavory behaviors needs to get his/her head checked.

It is not right and hardly something we should pass down to the next generation. We need to teach our children to be respectful of women. And I speak today to the woman who has been branded a slut and had some people describe her genitalia in the worst way possible concerning this. We gain nothing other than furthering sick stereotypes by doing so.

Tearing down a woman based on her vagina is the worst form of prejudice often directed to the women. It perpetrates disrespect and a lack of appreciation for the role of the woman in society. We are mothers and we bring forth children into this world. And those same children are the ones who sadly turn against us and assume that their attack is specific to particular persons. I’m sorry to inform you that your attack is on all females in particular.

I do not care whatever experience you particularly had with one female. Just don’t go to social media and depict all women as that one woman you were supposedly dissatisfied with. We do not take it kindly when these kinds of depictions influence other males’ perceptions of women. We hate it that we are being forced to get insecure with our vaginas just because they are supposedly not the “ideal” vaginas.

Our mission in life is not only to please men sexually with near perfect or perfect vaginas. As a matter of fact, we are not sexual objects who have to be described to all and sundry and given a particular standard to adhere to. For all the women who have given birth naturally to children, you do not need to be shamed into feeling that things are not right down there. To all the women who are supposedly not tight enough or wet enough during intercourse, it does not determine your overall worth as an individual.

Any man who thinks he has the right to disrespect women in this manner needs to do some serious self reflection. Women are worth much more, than only what they have between their legs.

Misogyny and Misandry; The Kenyan Society As Of Now.

A lot has been said concerning Beyonce’s Lemonade album. Mostly individual perspectives of what the artiste is on to, some negative, some positive. Today morning, I stumbled upon a post by one of our well known Kenyan bloggers and Twitter bigwig, with that particular album of Beyonce’s, forming the inspiration behind the post.

tvcontinental.tv

Beyonce, photo courtesy of  tvcontinental.tv

I decided to read it and what accosted me was simply a vile case of a misogynist rant. I do not intend to bash a fellow blogger as I would not relish being drawn into a nasty spat.

However, the choice of words in the post to describe Kenyan women as opportunists jumped out at me like a thief in the night. All that seemingly hatred, toward women further proved to me how much the Kenyan society as of now, has sunk deep into the depths of misogyny and misandry.

It’s not only the men who hate the women. The women too do not like the men. The men would love to justify their hatred with claims of the feminist wave messing up any form of rationality in women. The women becoming carefree in recent times to deplorable levels deserving a severe backlash from the male gender. The men would like the women to believe that they do not give a hoot about whatever feminist views the females now possess.

The females on the other hand will react with shock and disbelief at this outcome from men. They will not take it lying down that the men have now chosen to bash what in essence, is their newfound liberation from the shackles of submissiveness bordering on oppression. They would like to prove to the men that their hostile actions do not at all faze them and that any form of oppressive thinking toward women from men will not be tolerated.

A lot of mistrust between the sexes has now over time seeped into our Kenyan society. Men and women have no qualms calling into radio stations and live on air rant about their husbands’ or wives’ transgressions. Often one side will end up being bashed more than the other much to the glee of the radio hosts keen on boosting their ratings. I do not blame the radio hosts. It is part of their job to ensure that their shows get the highest number of listeners and fans as possible.

The way a man would sleep with a woman then after the deed decide that she is cheap and therefore, he has no desire to continue pursuing the woman and without further explanation, bolt is the same way, a woman will develop a deep dislike for men, who seem to only be after one thing from her then disappear into thin air. Indeed misogyny and misandry is so deeply rooted in our society, that both sexes do not know how to treat each other with respect after a night of passion in which both were full participants.

Both sexes see no need to have a sit down and decide to either slow down the pace in anticipation for something solid or not to pursue anything afterward. I’m sure if we were that reasonable and considerate of each other’s feelings, a sit down between two adults who seemingly rushed into sex would have saved both sexes a lot of heartache.

I read what came out as stereotypical thinking from the post of what Kenyan women have now over time transformed into being. Gold diggers, sl*ts, b*****s, opportunists, spinsters on the prey for hapless men to nab and what nots. We may tend to conclude that this is just but a one sided view from a man who obviously has deep issues with women but I would like to disagree.

This is what the battle of the sexes has turned the Kenyan society into. You might be surprised that quite a number of men think the same and are in total agreement with the blogger. You might equally be surprised that quite a number of women think lowly of men and have lumped them into categories of deadbeat dads, players, good for nothings, chauvinists and what nots.

The blogger then went ahead to bash successful female media personalities with an analysis of why each is in the current marital situation. I can only speculate why he decided to go down that route. However, methinks that the fact that he knows these women are considered ideal role models by other women, just from their successes and achievements, then a direct attack of them goes a long way into trying to dent the seemingly perfect image, that these high profile women have created in other women’s minds.

Simply the malicious style of thinking that this whole issue of misandry and misogyny has caused us. It might take a lot of effort to try and at least change this whole outcome seeing that more misogynist views as well as misandrist views are cropping up with each passing day. What happened to the respect that we once accorded one another? Or perhaps there never was a strong foundation of respect between the sexes in the first place. Probably, a ground for unhealthy competition was created between the sexes long before we came across misogyny and misandry as words.

Claiming that women are learning their whorish ways from their own whorish mothers is totally misconstrued. I think a section of men has already forgotten that it is from women that they came from and when you take to insulting mothers, including single mothers, it is a whole level of disrespect toward the female gender, your own mother included. It should be noted that if a woman decides to act in a certain way considered vile by society, since it is societal views which influence our morals often times, it is not because she comes from a background of vile women.

We are choosing as a society to bash one another in the crudest of ways. If your own father left your mother and the children to face hard times yet he was in a position to provide, it does not mean that all men will walk out on women and therefore deserve to be lumped into a category of animals. I think as bloggers who have a public voice, it is our mandate to try and unite the sexes and not draw them into what seems like a hostile competition of who is better than the other. Often times, in a battle of the sexes, none of the sides win.

I would have loved to get a refreshing read of what a Kenyan blogger thought of Beyonce’s lemonade album, never mind the fact that we do not for sure know what goes on in Bey and Jay Z’s bedroom. However, what I unfortunately got was a rant aimed at painting one gender as blacker than the other. None of the genders should even be painted anything in the first place because like it or not we are in existence together and we therefore need to coexist.

There’s no justification whatsoever for a Kenyan woman to bash a Kenyan man neither is there any justification whatsoever for a Kenyan man to bash a Kenyan woman. If a woman decides to get married in her 60s and does get a man who loves her then nobody between the two has been played. If a woman ends up a single mum, then we have no reason to run our mouths on what we think caused it. If a couple ends up divorced, the issues are between the couple and not with either of the gender.

All this slut shaming of Kenyan women and finger pointing of Kenyan men by Kenyan women and men alike will only take our society to a place where we would not be able to recover it from. I rest my case.

How Not To Get An Easy Lay

I had a very interesting encounter just two or three days back.

I met someone for the first time, for a very short while. He seemed decent enough, maybe a bit shifty, a professional most definitely, because he had a business card to go with it. We exchanged numbers and I didn’t think much about it because there are those people you meet and exchange numbers with, only to communicate again several weeks or months later.  I thought he would be one of those contacts. Turns out this one had something up his sleeve.

That same evening, I got a call from him. Oh well, maybe he wanted to confirm if my phone number was indeed authentic and not a fake. I let it slide. The following day I got another call from him. This one was a bit awkward because he hang up on me. I didn’t pay much attention to it because like I said, I wasn’t up to frequent communication with a total stranger. The third day he called yet again, asking what I was up to for the evening. I told him I had been feeling a bit under the weather (I was actually ill, story for another day) and was therefore indoors.

Suddenly, this total stranger decides to suggest that he takes me out for the evening but with a condition, we are spending the night together. Trust me, I was appalled. Mind you, our first meeting had been very formal. No flirtatious body language or something of the sort that you would expect to drive someone to think sexually of you. Obviously unperturbed by my immediate reaction in the negative, this man continued to inquire from me whether he should book a room. And that my readers, was a very short lived encounter of mine with a stranger out for an easy lay.

It got me thinking about the numerous ways that a section of men get it all wrong when it comes to getting laid. First of all, before you decide to treat any random woman you meet like a slut, you need to really question your sexual integrity. I actually did feel insulted to some point that this equally random stranger, had decided to pick on me to be the one to satiate his desires. I hadn’t even done anything to warrant it but that did not stop him from shamelessly suggesting that we go to a lodging.

Dear Men out for easy lays, do not think that by being so obvious with your ill advised intentions, you are acting all macho. You are actually making a fool of yourself and attracting sarcastic remarks from your intended target, aimed at putting you back in your place and with good reason. No dignified woman in her right mind, would agree to meet up with a man who straight forwardly suggested that sex would be involved.

I think men have deluded themselves into thinking that the whole woman fraternity nowadays, has lost every last shred of dignity it possessed, just by looking at the changing dynamics of the dating world. Indeed, quite a number of men would confidently state that women of this era, do not care whoever they sleep with as long as they get something monetary in return. Perhaps this is actually true but to use it as a justification to act like total jerks toward unsuspecting women, is only warped.

Easy lays do not play hard to get. As a matter of fact, you can smell an easy lay from miles away just from how she acts flirtatiously and seductively around you. She does not see the need to be discreet with her intentions and she actually does not consider herself an easy lay as men tend to think. She may even consider herself a go getter! Someone who always gets any man she lays her eyes on and decides that she is really interested in. Easy lays as you may like to call them, you will discover, do not conform to what society deems appropriate sexually. They are proud of their sexuality and see no need to hide that fact.

Perhaps we call them easy lays because they will not give you that 90 day rule crap, that men so hate before getting all kinky with you. Men like to pretend that they hate time limits when it comes to sex, but the minute a woman lets her guard down and sleeps with a man within a week or a day of knowing him, then the man is ready to take off as fast as possible since she was an easy lay. Beats my logic at times *chuckle*.

So in short, if you are looking for an easy lay, stop disrespecting women who have no intention whatsoever of getting between the sheets with you. Stop pointing hypocritical fingers at women who give it up too quick and simply go along with the flow. Last time I checked, sex involved two people. I wonder then why only one party often times gets castigated for having sex too soon.

If you are looking for a sexual thrill with a stranger, then get a hooker. Do not at any point think that the pretty woman you met, while having coffee at an establishment she works in during the day, will be up to joining you in a lodging later in the evening. She may be somebody’s wife, a mother, a committed girlfriend, engaged, celibate. Your choice of her is actually totally wrong. Just because she flashed you a smile and served you your coffee well, does not translate into her offering the same kind of sexual services.

Dear Men out for easy lays, your lewd assumptions about a woman you barely know speaks volumes about you. It simply sheds light on your misogynist views that you think women can be treated as toys and play things. Learn to read the signs from a woman who is equally interested in a sexual thrill because if you pay keen attention, you won’t definitely miss it. All of your obnoxious tricks at getting easy lays are actually making you not get laid.