I’m guilty of love bombing. I have equally been love bombed in the past. And if you are already raising an eyebrow wondering why you have been following and reading a sociopath’s blog, let me mention that not only sociopaths and those with funny personality disorders love bomb. According to the definition given by Wikipedia, Love Bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. Just to add to it, over the top declarations of love and a flurry of texts stretching for long periods of time during the day and especially, in the initial stages of getting to know each other.
Many of us are guilty of doing the same because sometimes, we just decide to let our selfish desires get the better of us. Usually, I would love bomb whenever I was idle or in need of attention from the opposite sex during lengthy periods of singlehood. Indeed, as a result of the highly selfish nature of love bombing, many can attest to the fact that often times, the relationship hardly lasts past 2 or 3 months. Here’s why;
Love bombing is in essence not real love.
It is motivated by selfish desires. Jerks on the prowl for casual sex employ it as a tool to get easy sex from unsuspecting women. Women are often left wondering what just happened when a man who had come on too strong, with declarations of love, consistent communication and promises of a lifetime suddenly disappears after a sexual encounter. Blame it on love bombing, to fool you into believing that you just met your knight in shining armor when in essence, you simply met your worst nightmare of a commitment-phobe.
And yes, people with personality disorders who are highly insecure of themselves, use the love bombing technique during the idealization phase so that they can get their high. Be sure that this person will take you through the devaluation phase, once you are completely sucked into the lies and deceit and finally, the discard phase. It might take you months or even years, to figure out exactly what had been going on in this so called relationship.
It quickly gets boring.
Imagine spending all of your waking hours and evenings just chatting with a subject of your affection. You will probably end up exhausting all topics and divulging information about yourselves that would have best been divulged gradually. In the end, the sense of mystery disappears and you are left wondering what to do with this person, other than avoid them altogether.
The best relationships do not involve two people constantly chatting or calling each other without any breathers in between and especially, in the initial stages. Remember, men love the thrill of the chase as much as liberated women may try to put this fact up for debate. If it so happens that you are always available for chats, then you are killing this thrill in men and communicating to the man, that you have no other life away from your phone.
Love bombing reeks of desperation.
Otherwise, why would you feel the need to smother someone you are attracted to with very strong declarations of love, far fetched promises and unbelievable flattery? Normal people take their time to get to know someone. They do not begin speaking of a future with someone they just met the other day. Be wary of men, who begin mentioning marriage on first dates or making declarations of “having found the one and being by your side forever”, within the first month of dating. Be equally wary of women, who start discussing a desire to have children with you on the first date or very early on in the relationship.
These are just people lacking in other aspects of their lives who need a love interest in their lives to validate them. They can go to great lengths just to lure this person, into giving them the affection and attention they so desperately need, even if it means making outrageous sacrifices very soon into dating. One thing we fail to understand is that solid relationships take time to build.
Love bombing is best done over the phone because it is insincere in nature.
Meet these love bombing culprits in person and you will quickly realize that, they are totally different persons altogether from the ones who have been constantly texting and calling you. You may even be shell shocked that they seem at a loss for words in person and may struggle to initiate conversation. The first tell tale sign will be a lack of spark or an immediate romp between the sheets, no conversation.
Love bombing is very well executed over the phone or via social media because the culprits can easily hide their true intentions behind a phone or computer. Most are socially inept persons who prefer to mask this by not interacting in person with people they supposedly are interested in. A person who is truly in love and desires to get into a relationship with you will always create time to see you in person. Such persons know and value the power of one on one interactions.
Love bombers make it easier for themselves, by hiding behind gadgets where it is easier and quicker to break it off, once they are done with hapless individuals who had no idea of their true intentions.
Have you ever been love bombed? If so, how did you handle it or how did it end? I would love to hear your stories.