My 2016 In Perspective

Happy New Year Readers!

I have been MIA for a while. Well, I’m back now and I decided to do a recap of how my just ended 2016 unfolded.

Favorite song of the year:

My favorite song of the year 2016 definitely had to be Yemi Alade’s feat Sauti Sol’s Africa. I loved and still love everything about this song from the video to the musical arrangement to the Nigerian meets Kenyan fusion. This is a song I will listen to for a long time.


My career decided to play tricks on me for the better part of 2016. Let’s just say I tended to make some decisions regarding my career that were not very wise as I would eventually discover. That’s definitely something that’s going to change this 2017.

Blogging and Writing:

Well, I have been doing these two for the longest time possible and 2016 continued to prove to me that I should keep up with it. I got opportunities to contribute to a Kenyan digital magazine twice for the October and December/January issues.

Earlier on in the year, I also got an opportunity to meet with a popular columnist on one of our dailies, who gave me a wealth of ideas as well as advice concerning the direction my writing should take. He actually inspired some of the changes I made on the blog. My most favorite posts that I did for the year 2016 had to be;


I’m hoping to do many more insightful and interesting posts this year so watch this space 🙂

Love Life:

2016 was pretty interesting on that front. No knight in shining armor yet. Lots of sifting through guys who are just not ready for committed relationships yet. I had a lot to write about relationships in 2016 on the blog plus valuable lessons were learnt. So let’s just see how 2017 unfolds in that department.


Thank God for family! How would we survive without that? Family came through this year for me every step of the way. The best feeling is knowing there are blood relatives, who have your back even when things might seem not to be going right.


For my fans who have kept up with me do drop suggestions on the comment section below, on topics you would like me to tackle this year on the blog falling under the categories;

feminist ramblings, banter, musings and relationships



Behold, A Kenyan Christmas!

As is Kenyan tradition, many of us will travel upcountry or to smaller hometowns for Christmas. The upper middle class who consider themselves lovers of travel with disposable income, will however head to the coast or to an exotic hotel somewhere in the middle of the wilderness teeming with wildlife and have themselves a wonderful, drama-free Christmas surrounded by a spouse or partner and/or children.

Photo credits: Internet Sources

Photo credits: Internet Sources

For the rest of us headed upcountry or to smaller hometowns this Christmas season, here’s what to expect;

1. An Overflowing House.

A house that once consisted of ageing parents, will soon be transformed into a house teeming with humanity. All the grown children will decide to come home for christmas together with their offspring and hapless spouses, who lacked believable excuses to remain behind. Children from the city will suddenly whip out tablets laden with downloaded games, to which the neighborhood children or children belonging to cousins who never left the locality, will gawk at in awe as these “enlightened” city borns tap away with such dexterity.

Granny will suddenly want to brag introduce her successful children to her church women friends. They will always seem to come trooping in every single evening and struggle woefully to pronounce the city names of the little ones. Names like Tamara, Chantel, Kian, Jason…will prove such a huge task to grasp for these church mamas who are more conversant with the missionary names, Margaret, Jane, Lucy and the likes.

For the hapless spouse, they will only have to endure the inconvinience of a houseful with a most believable smile plastered on their faces, all the while vowing silently to skip next Christmas’ journey to their in-laws.

2. Sharing beds.

Most of the time, the youngest of the adult children who is not yet married and probably still in campus, will be requested to share beds with the children who sleep the worst. Just to appear polite, he or she will probably agree all the while knowing that texting away in the cover of darkness will soon be proven extinct, by these young ones who sleep as if they are in the middle of a swimming lesson.

Mornings will be terrible as waking up with aching and tired muscles and stiff necks from all that kicking and turning of the new bed occupants during night time, will be the order of the day. Plus they risk being dumped by that hot chic or guy who probably has started assuming they are cheating, that’s why they nowadays do not seem to keep up with night time texts.

3. Never ending chores.

With the daily influx of visitors coupled with the increased population in the house, chores will appear to stretch the entire day. The hapless spouse who can whip up some tasty chapatis will automatically be expected to cook two bundles of chapatis come Christmas day.

She will most definitely spend the whole day in the kitchen wrapped in a lesso while sitting on a low stool, cooking chapatis for everyone else in the house. When done, she will probably have a splitting headache from sitting too close to the carbon monoxide laden jiko and lacking in appetite, as the smell of cooking chapatis has bloated her tummy already.

Again there will be utensils to wash, a kitchen to clear, diapers to change for the toddlers who have eaten too much for their little stomachs to handle and tea to make for the older generation. By the time Christmas season is done, many who did the house chores will feel as if they had been to a bootcamp rather than a holiday.

4. Family drama.

Of course there’s that brother or cousin who never made anything of himself and has since decided the world must be against him. Or that sister who started giving birth in class 7 and over 20 years later has 5 children, with 5 different men and is married to a jerk, who beats the daylights out of her.

Those ones will decide to settle scores over Christmas lunch with relatives from the city they think abandoned them at their most vulnerable. The sister will start with sarcastic remarks aimed at a sister, who is probably doing well which will eventually escalate into a bitter exchange of words. The brother will visit the chang’aa den, add some weed to it and decide to smash the windows of another brother’s car. Chaos will erupt. Some will fight, some will cry, some will start packing up in a bid to return back to the city where they came from…

In the end, the elderly man of the house will bring order by threatening to curse anyone who misbehaves and reminding everyone, that they are related by blood incase they had forgotten. Christmas will still be celebrated and grandparents will be happy to see their children and grandchildren and to receive gifts from those who came home for the holidays.


For everyone else celebrating Christmas across the world, I wish you a Merry Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Are Nairobians Heartless?

Image result for nairobi

Ariel view of Nairobi, Kenya. Photo Credit: Internet Sources

I got the inspiration to do this post from Giulia’s It got me thinking whether her perception of London, the city she currently resides in, resonated well with how Nairobians behave miles away.

Nairobi has been dubbed the “city under the sun” and to foreigners, it is the most hospitable and vibrant places to live in. With it’s cosmopolitan population, great eat out places to hang out, Uber taxi services, 5 star hotels, large malls and tourist sites, tourists quickly find themselves at ease within the city.

However, for a Kenyan who is new in Nairobi, it will quickly dawn on you how Nairobians can be such cold, aloof individuals. The explanation usually given for this, is the fact that you can’t just trust anyone’s intentions in the city. And of course the all too famous explanation, that life is fast in Nairobi and so people are definitely busy.

For a newcomer who has just landed in the city for whatever reason, you will quickly discover that Nairobians just do not say hi to anyone. Probably your attempts at genuinely greeting strangers on the street will be met with a suspicious look and quickening of steps. Trying to ask for directions will prove a futile attempt, as nobody will seem to believe that you are indeed lost.

If you are unfortunate enough to ask the wrong person for directions, you will quickly end up earmarked for a possible mugging, that will leave you even more scared of being in the city. A single Nairobian will rarely help someone who is getting mugged on the street not unless many eyes have equally seen the mugging take place and are swift to “help” with mob justice.

Mob justice usually involving clobbering the thief to death or near death. You will often wonder where this mob comes from for it happens within the blinking of an eye. But for the one person who sees someone being pick pocketed and keeps quiet, it is not so much because that person is heartless, but rather due to the fear of the unknown.

You are not sure if the thief is armed and whether they will turn on you instead for speaking out. So the seasoned Nairobian will look the other way and only mention the mugging once he/she gets to the confines of his/her home.

A newcomer in the city will also have to contend with brash touts and matatu drivers and extremely loud, disco like music in matatus. Your requests for the music to be turned down a little will fall on deaf ears. You will probably board the wrong matatu one too many times, only to be met with an unsympathetic tout who will admonish you loudly for not looking at the routes being plied by the particular matatu properly, before boarding.

Then you will be forced to pay the fare and then get dropped off at a place you are not even sure of, only to begin the hurdle of asking for directions again. And did I mention that the fare in the city, is never that friendly to newcomers, used to cheaper life in other towns in Kenya? The graffiti on some of the buses will remind you of some of the demonic signs to look out for, that your village pastor warned you about in one of his fiery sermons.

The many pedestrians on the street will literally suffocate you in downtown Nairobi. So will the matatus that cut corners and reverse dangerously within the CBD make your heart nearly leap out of your chest. You will also be privy to horror stories of individuals who met their death, from dangerous driving and reversing of matatus within the city centre or on various city routes. You will begin to wonder what brought you to Nairobi in the first place.

Neighbors will not seem that willing to befriend you. You will probably have to endure many greetings going unanswered and very few pleasantries from people who live around you. The few who will seem genuinely friendly, will only want to prod where you have come from and what has brought you to the “city under the sun”.

If you are a single male, you will have to endure sophisticated city chics rebuffing your attempts to charm them countless times. Either you will seem too upcountry to them in your thinking or dressing or too poor to take them out on a proper date to Java, Artcaffe, Brew Bistro and the likes. Your village accent will also prove to be a major turn off to the women of Nairobi, who speak polished British English.

However, you will soon get used to the fast life of the city, upgrade your dressing and manners and surprisingly, acquire the very mannerisms that repulsed you when you were very new. One day you will walk down the street and someone will be lying down on the pavement and you won’t bother to look, assuming he/she is probably drunk or one of the street beggars. It will then dawn on you that the city bug of coldness and aloofness has bitten you.

Does Not Liking Someone Translate Into A Woman Being Picky?

Today morning I got a friend request on Facebook, from someone I once worked with in 2015 and who had the hots for me, but I just wasn’t feeling him. So I stared at my phone screen for a while debating on whether to confirm or not. In the end, I deleted the request. I know, it sounds cold, right?

Anyways, for some reason, I didn’t like this guy. Something about him was just off putting. Coupled with the fact that I didn’t consider him my type, I also felt that there was something pretentious with how strongly he came. I did a background check immediately from a colleague and I found out they had a thing. Months later, while chatting with a friend whom I had previously worked with in the same place with this guy, I found out that he had been married once, it didn’t work out but there was a child.

He never told me that! All that gushing over how much he was into me and how much he was turned on by me just made me run for the hills. Something didn’t quite sit right with me about him and so it surprised me that despite my very obvious actions, he was still contacting me sometime in April this year. Apologizing for anything wrong he had done to make me not want anything to do with him. Just lame, I thought. I had tried to be polite in communicating the fact that I didn’t like him but he wouldn’t relent. Adding him on Social media as a friend was just not a wise decision, I concluded this morning.

Which got me thinking whether not liking someone translates into a woman being picky as society tends to sometimes put it. Does it mean that she will die single if she doesn’t seem to like most of the men hitting on her?

Photo Credit: Internet Sources

Photo Credit: Internet Sources

I personally think a  woman has all the right to settle for what she wants. Over time, I have learnt to pay attention to my gut instinct. If something doesn’t feel right about someone, even though I can’t put a finger on what it is, I steer clear of that person. It applies both ways, for men and women. My decision to pay attention to what my instinct is telling me is not so much based on being snobbish, but on past experiences where I ignored my instincts and ended up regretting that decision.

Society does not have to pressure women to take whatever comes their way. I’m a bit skeptical about dating a man with a child and more so if there is a baby mama in the picture. I don’t want to deal with all that drama (should it arise) and with all due respect to baby mamas out there. However, I find it noble when a man straight away tells me about a child or children he has. That way, I’m in the know and can therefore decide whether I’ll go ahead and date him or not. Most of the time, I won’t. And I find nothing wrong with my decision. It’s just what I feel is right for me at the moment.

The same way men can decide that they don’t like women for certain reasons is the same way women should also be allowed to decide the same. There’s nothing about being too picky in such a situation. As a matter of fact, there’s a huge difference between pickiness and developing a long list of unattainable standards that you expect from a man. It’s not like I have that long list myself but there are certain things I’m comfortable with and know I can put up with from someone I’m dating and others I know I’m not comfortable with and can’t put up with, that make me change my mind altogether about this person.

Have you ever encountered being considered picky for rejecting a man’s advances? And what do you think? I’d like to hear from you guys.

The “Naked Is The New Sexy” Trend

Disclaimer: This post contains some images with varying levels of nudity.

There seems to be a new trend in Celebville of prancing around resembling our African forefathers, who knew nothing about wearing clothes for decency. Our African forefathers can be forgiven for that, because they made use of readily available materials in their locality and possessed the wisdom to cover up areas considered private.

So been wondering how this “Naked is the new sexy” trend came about.

Quite recently, Chrissie Teigen, model and wife to musician John Legend received quite the backlash for wearing a barely there outfit to the AMAs, that ended up showing us a little more than we bargained for. I watched the Fashion Police go at her on her wardrobe choice and couldn’t help getting amused that, they considered her choice poor, yet more and more celebs are flashing  their nudity at every given opportunity and still get considered classy.

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 20:  Model Chrissy Teigen arrives at the 2016 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater on November 20, 2016 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images for Fashion Media)

The Photo that showed Chrissie accidentally flashing an area that should have been kept covered up. (Photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images for Fashion Media)

A quick check on the Internet and it is clear Chrissie has a penchant for risque outfits, that cause her regular wardrobe malfunctions. But she seems to take it in her stride seeing that she has a modelling background and a hubby, who does not seem to give a hoot over what the critics think of his wife’s wardrobe choices. Who am I to judge?

We’ve seen more skin flashing from other female celebrities to dwell on this particular one.

One of the Risque outfits Rihanna has won to an event in the past. Image Courtesy of Google.

One of the Risque outfits Rihanna has won to an event in the past. Image Courtesy of Google.


Yet another risque outfit that J-Lo has won to a past event. Image courtesy of Google.

Yet another risque outfit that J-Lo has won to a past event. Image courtesy of Google.


Nicki Minaj in a barely there outfit to a past event. Image Courtesy of Google.

Nicki Minaj in a see through outfit. Image Courtesy of Google.

See what I’m talking about?

I’ve said it here in the past that there’s this pressure for female celebrities to look and appear sexy. Perhaps oversexualized? I’m a huge fan of Ariana Grande and regularly download her music, but I can’t help being concerned that the young lady has for a while, been trying so hard to be sexy. Too sexy for her age.

I would have loved to see her gradually transition from a late teen, to an early twenties young woman to a late twenties woman. Sadly, I have seen her dress too grown up, writhe on the floor, pout her lips and push out her bust and bum for the cameras, at a point in time when she looks really young to be doing so.

Ariana Grande on stage. Photo Courtesy of Google.

Ariana Grande on stage. Photo Courtesy of Google.

And trust me, African female celebrities from the African continent are joining the “naked is the new sexy” bandwagon, as evidenced by South African musician Pam Andrews, who wore this risque outfit to an awards show sometime in 2014.

Pam Andrews. Courtesy of Google Images

Pam Andrews. Courtesy of Google Images

Celebs in the past have been known to be too quick to hush their critics with rather strong words concerning their careers in showbiz, whenever they were faced with severe backlash over how they dressed or portrayed themselves. It’s all about entertainment. Entertainment is harmless, they tend to make it seem.

Well, I consider myself no moral judge. However, the sexuality of a woman tends to be overused in the entertainment scene. We don’t get to see many naked male celebrities in video shoots but we do get to see hordes of women in barely there bikinis and varying degrees of nudity.

The culture of “sex sells” is deeply rooted in our psyc that anything that does not seem to promote sex and nudity is considered rather bland and boring. Show us some more skin, and we definitely gonna look and pay attention!

It’s no longer about the celebration of a woman’s body but rather how sexual she can appear in her skin. How many times sex flashes in our minds when we see these exposed parts of a woman that ought to be covered up but have instead been put on display. I have no idea what the entertainers themselves feel about this topic but it is rather unsettling to me.

It may surprise many to learn that the conservative Indian culture actually celebrates the woman’s body in a saree. You don’t get to see a woman’s “hooha” to quote Chrissie Teigen, her nipples or her booty. But you still get to see the feminine silhoutte that is still attractive in a saree.

Internet Sources

Internet Sources


Internet Sources

Internet Sources


Internet Sources

Internet Sources

So I’m kind of wondering if there are other ways we can celebrate a woman’s body, without having to see her naked or being privy to the fact that she has no underwear underneath. Is it even possible for our female celebrities who have over time grown accustomed to this nudity buzz, to tone down a little bit on just how sexual they portray themselves?

Is there really a future for little girls who have grown up witnessing their celeb moms shaking it on stage, in see through clothes that revealed their breasts and bums? Would I still reach out for that music CD next time I’m out shopping, of a female celebrity I love, in music videos that were akin to a nude party?

What do you guys think?


Next Month I Celebrate 3 Years Of Active Blogging

pic courtesy of

pic courtesy of

Next month I celebrate 3 years of active blogging.

I realized recently that I’m quite happy about it. I haven’t yet made it to print media in all that duration. I haven’t earned a dime from my blogging efforts. I doubt 100 Kenyans who are total strangers to me know me as a blogger. None of my posts has ever gone viral. And I still doubt my blogging abilities despite being in the industry that long.

Funnily enough is that I keep on blogging. I still keep on entertaining the handful of fans I have who actively keep up with my posts. Some choose to read quietly. Others let me know that they follow up on my posts and others leave insightful comments and likes behind to alert me of their visits.

I started blogging at the advice of a friend 3 years ago in early September. I fumbled at first trying to find my footing in the blogging world. I created blogs that I ended up deleting after realizing I had really drifted from the initial purpose of creating the blogs. Gradually, I found my blogging niche which resulted in this particular blog in March last year.

In my blogging life, I have been lucky enough (or not so lucky sometimes) to meet with renowned writers, editors and columnists. One gave me awesome advice in the comfort of his home which I began incorporating in my work.

Another made me feel like the dumbest human being for trying to get a columnist slot in a magazine where she happens to be the editor. Others ignored my attempts at trying to get into print media or gave me false hopes only for me to realize that I wasn’t going to be given any writing opportunity.

Sometimes I felt like quitting this blogging thing but my passion kept me going. I posted stuff even when I wasn’t feeling like it or was suffering bad days or the all too famous writers block. I endured friends who thought I wasn’t doing enough to put myself out there for my popularity to increase. Some were insensitive enough (or in good nature) to question why I wasn’t earning from blogging and what I was doing toward that.

I forgave them despite their comments stinging for I know that breaking out in the blogging world is pretty much the same as breaking out in the music industry or arts industry. It is the passion that keeps you going even when your blog hits remain a bare minimum months after embarking on an active blogging journey.

3 years later, I tell people I’m a blogger and they raise their eyebrows trying to connect the human being they are seeing in front of them, with anything close to writing and I can tell they do not believe me.

However, I nowadays care less what they think because I will keep on doing this for as long as I can. I no longer seek opinions from individuals about what they think about my blog. I let my blog speak for itself. Occasionally, I will get someone who decides to point out the flaws in some of my posts and rather than take it personal, I appreciate that they spotted the flaw and were gracious enough to point it out.

I no longer have time for negativity when it comes to my written work. Mind you, I have done fiction for 19 years and I take everyday as a learning process. I know I still have a long way to improve myself as a Writer/Blogger and if I focus on negativity, other people’s perspectives and disappointments now, I will never be able to successfully achieve that.

So today, I take the time out to appreciate myself for these awesome 3 years of blogging, that have opened my eyes to so many things that I would never have found out about, if I never took the blogging chance head on. I believe I’m more stronger, factual and opinionated than I was when I started out.

Cheers to definitely lorna!


You Are Not A Slut If A Man Leaves You After Sex

I think it’s high time women stopped pegging their sexuality on what men think. If you sleep with a man and then immediately after the act he takes the high road, then he was only after the sex and nothing else. Stop analyzing how much he texted or called you before you finally gave in. Stop analyzing the presents he showered you with in the days leading toward the act.

He was simply grooming you for the part. After he got what he initially wanted, he grew distant. He gave you one word replies. He acted all irritated by your presence. He ignored your calls. Hung up even. In some cases, he even went as far as calling you easy to your face. He made you feel like a slut in the process just from the disrespectful way he treated you in the aftermath.

I’m here to tell you that you are not a slut if a man leaves you after sex. He was simply after the sex. He wasn’t interested in knowing you as a person. He wasn’t interested in your qualities, your hobbies, your cute dimple on the left cheek. He was just on the prey for a lay. And the best thing you can do for yourself as a woman is to cut him loose and never look back.

Otherwise if you carry on pursuing, this man will carry on disrespecting you to the point where you begin believing that you are truly a slut for sleeping with him. You are not a slut. You simply missed the red flags. So take it as a lesson. Any man who seems to be grooming you for sex should be given a wide berth before anything happens. If you do entertain him, then be prepared for the bolt. There’s no skirting around it.

If he shows up 3 or 4 months down the line after no contact, he simply ran out of options and remembered how easily you fell for his grooming tactics. Never mistake a Houdini who suddenly shows up as having realized how important you are. As a matter of fact, he has no idea how important you are, because in the first place he took no time to get to know you other than between the sheets. Don’t give him a second chance to slut shame you.

If you need to know what signs to read in a man who is only after sex read this


The Iconic Safari Boot: Did Your Dad Own A Pair?

Mine did! And I’m not at all ashamed to proclaim that he owned several pairs back then, when safari boots were the in thing for ordinary Kenyans. Just kept replacing them as they aged. But the nature of his job required him to have long lasting shoes. Boy, was he a frequenter of farms! The safari boot served him well. It’s a hardy pair of shoe.

One time, we left our shoes outside on the doorstep as was our usual routine and my father’s safari boots just disappeared! It was so funny because none of us heard a thing and it was around lunch hour. We highly suspected our neighbors though and our suspicion was proven right when a couple of days later, the neighbor’s son emerged in a pair of freshly, dyed, black safari boots.

But you see, the thing with suspicion is that you can’t really confront the person you suspect lest you end up making a fool of yourself. Trust me, this realization was a hard pill for us to swallow. Interestingly, it didn’t seem to bother my father much. He just got another pair as was his habit.

Nowadays, Kenyan men donning safari boots are considered shady. I mean with all the different types of modern shoes in the market for men, why in the world would an urban Kenyan man decide to get a pair of safari boots?!

Of course if you are a male foreign or domestic tourist or modelling safari wear or a tour guide, you can be excused for donning a pair. It works especially well for the tour guides who pair the boots with khaki trousers or shorts. Not so, for the clueless ones who decide to do official trousers with safari boots.

Love to hate them, safari boots remain a Kenyan identity with the Swahili word “safari” loosely translated to mean “journey” in English. So of course if you are a foreign tourist keen on visiting our game parks, be sure to dash into a Bata shop to get yourself a nice pair of safari boots before you embark on your game drive.

I like how describe the shoe;

Made of the finest cowhide, this shoe is a favorite because it evokes the savannas of Kenya. The boot’s rough finish not only feels genuine but also fits “just right”.

Constructed to withstand rugged terrains while providing walking comfort, the safari boot is also easy to clean regardless of the road travelled.

Appreciated for its superior quality, the safari boot is still hand stitched at the Bata factory in Limuru, Kenya and this attention to detail gives the shoe an attractive authentic look that many brands have attempted to imitate.

So there you have it! Did daddy have one of these?


The Innocence Of Children

I accidentally got to eavesdrop on a conversation between my neighbor and his daughter sometime this week.

Daughter goes something like, “Daddy si utaenda kwa bank utoe pesa ya trip!”

(Daddy, you shall have to go to the bank and withdraw money for the trip).

I gathered there was an already planned educational trip at school and this child was definitely eager to go.

An obviously amused dad went, “Alafu nikienda kwa bank?”

(Then what happens when I go to the bank?)

“Ah, si utawaambia tu wakupee pesa alafu waandike hapo trip. Hawatakataa. Alafu utapea teacher!”The daughter reasoned.

(Ah, you will tell them to give you the money then they note down ‘trip’. They won’t decline. Then you give the teacher!)

From that small bit of conversation I overheard, I came to several conclusions;

  1. This little girl assumed her daddy had so much money which could be withdrawn at anytime from the bank. So playing the “I’m broke” card was definitely not going to work for him. He just had to pay for the school trip whether he had the money or not judging from the finality in his daughter’s voice.
  2. For this little girl, her daddy was obviously her knight in shining armor who could grant her anything in the world. Check.
  3. Children can be so humorously innocent in the way they reason at times. Especially the part where she says the bank should note down “trip” as the purpose of the money withdrawn. I mean for children things can be so easy. Not so for us adults!

Anyways, hope she does get to go for the trip. I know daddy wouldn’t dream of letting her down now, would he?