Why I Haven’t Been On A Proper Date In Ages

Let’s talk about disastrous dates whether first, second or third if you get lucky enough to be asked out on a third date. The ones that make you cringe and wonder why you even agreed to a date in the first place. I’m reminded of my sister’s friend who went out on a date with a guy whom I would like to believe, unintentionally farted at some point. He then proceeded to pretend like he didn’t notice the gross combination smell of cabbage, eggs, beans and whatever foods you might think of, that transform into nuclear weapons of mass destruction, once there is an emission of gas from the body. Needless to say, any forms of attraction toward him from my sister’s friend evaporated that very minute.

I have had my fair share of bad dates, barely there dates and good dates. There are men I met who were chivalrous enough to take me out on proper dates to really nice restaurants. There were also men I met whose idea of a date was, a pretence of requesting I pay them a visit in their homes, in the hopes of getting some from me that night. And they were clueless enough to think that I would believe the visit would be entirely innocent and would only comprise of a dinner and singing of religious hymns before I got escorted back home. There are also men, who for some reason decided to take me out on what looked like a proper date at first in a nice place or setting, only to proceed to behave in the most neanderthal of ways.

I once went out on a date with a guy I really fancied, who decided to spend the entire period, stealing open, obvious glances at an Ethiopian girl’s back in a bare back top. To make matters worse, with the most silliest of grins on his face, he proceeded to mention that he thought the people sitting on the table where the Ethiopian girl was, were students. Now when you take me out on a date and I have spent hours getting ready for you, including doing my toenails in the most luscious of purple color, then you proceed to ogle at another woman, I will be thoroughly pissed. Even more pissed when you decide to trivialize your bad manners. Since when did university students become tourist attractions to be stared at?!

Bored couple on a date. Courtesy of Google Images.

Bored couple on a date. Courtesy of Google Images.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I can barely remember the last time I went on a proper date. It has been a lengthy period of time. Some years, I’m totally sure of that. Of course in that duration, I have been invited out for drinks, dinners or lunches by people, who thought it would be lonely enough to have a meal or drink by themselves and I equally thought, having restaurant meals and drinks once in a while broke the monotony of me sitting by myself, in the house. But I wouldn’t qualify them to be dates because there was no mutual attraction and we were probably feeding the need of having someone else’s company. We were just but two lonely individuals wondering why the odds were always against us in this oh, so cruel, cruel dating world. Trust me, there are many lonely millenials walking around.

Most of the time I have declined random suggestions that were packaged as dates but came at odd hours of the evening or night. Plus I have experienced lengthy periods of time when I have been out of work and therefore, too broke to even think of agreeing to go out on a date. Reason being, that an increasing number of men nowadays assume that you come for a date with your own fare back home. And if you seem like you never carried extra money, then it would be easier to accompany their sly selves back to their houses. So even if I desperately wanted to be asked out on a date, the thought of being broke scared the wits out of me.

Let me emphasize on this, being asked out on a date in a pub or club or to a man’s house or to accompany him and his football loving friends are in reality not dates. So to avoid tainting my image as the girl who is always available and down for whatever shenanigans thrown her way, I have steered clear of dates for a long, long time. Chivalry is pretty much dead in this generation of millenials who have a wide array of booty calls at their disposal. It’s simply the sad reality of how things are. Plus I’m just tempted to think that people are too broke nowadays, with too many needs to even remember how proper dates are supposed to be conducted. Or we simply became too lazy and selfish.

So to save myself the horror of a disastrous date, I would rather let it pass. Which disastrous dates have you ever been on?

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3 comments

  1. I’ve been on a few dates resulting from online dating sites (and older dating technology!), and haven’t really had any complete disasters. OK, some of them didn’t get past the first date stage, but the date itself was fine. The only two real blots were many years ago…

    The first was a blind date (in the days of small ads in papers), and she did not look anything like she described herself. I nearly did a runner on seeing her, but she made the effort to turn up, so I decided to decent thing and have the date. She was actually a really fun person and we had a really entertaining date. I just didn’t find her remotely attractive, which is a shame. If she had been more honest in her description she could have found someone who was attracted to her.

    The second one was a girl who just couldn’t converse. Just single word answers and barely a word out of her the whole date. She was attractive enough, but there was nothing there. She even asked for another date afterwards, but I couldn’t handle the utter silence.

    In the UK, meeting at a pub is quite an acceptable thing, as many pubs over here are welcoming for all and do nice food. It’s not like the 1970s when they were male-only drinking dens (there’s a few of those left). They are often a better choice than restaurants for dates as you can just have a quick drink if it looks like the date isn’t going well, or have a meal and carry on if things are working out well. They are also a bit more relaxed which often helps when trying to have a conversation and get to know each other.

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  2. Interesting to learn about pubs in the UK. In Kenya, they are not necessarily “male only drinking dens” because both men and women frequent those places. However over time, men who take women on initial dates to a pub have over time gained the reputation of being on the prowl for drink induced sex. You will be surprised to learn that there are certain drinks in my country touted to be “panty removers”. It’s actually a nickname referencing the effect the drink has on women that some shifty men somewhere have since ascertained. Plus there are those societal rules in Africa that some partriachal thinking kinds of men still subscribe to.
    So this guy will take you on an initial date in a pub and wait to see if you are an alcohol guzzler then write you off if indeed you turn out to be one. My thoughts usually are, why take a woman out to a pub just to test her drinking habits? So these are the things in my country that put a damper on initial pub dates.
    Personally, if it’s a guy i’ve been seeing for a while, I wouldn’t mind a once in a while date setting in a pub. I’m the social drinker type so once in a while, doesn’t hurt plus some pubs in my country double up as clubs for raving.

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  3. My first date with my husband was in a pub. I don’t drink alcohol but he didn’t quite believe it so when, getting up to go to the toilet, he inadvertently spilled his drink all over the table, on his return to an empty glass he accused me of drinking it! But we’re still happily together.

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