I have been thinking off late about the role our exes play in our lives. What purpose do they serve? Do they represent a time in our lives when we didn’t know better and just picked up the first human in a trouser or skirt to date? Will we ever get over the negative feelings triggered by the break up? Can exes be friends?
Quite recently I reached out to an ex I hadn’t spoken to or seen in years. He just crossed my mind and I was like, well, it wouldn’t hurt finding out how he has been. When we dated we were teenagers. Children. We broke up childishly and life simply happened. Each of us went our own way and never got to bump into each other again. So we did meet up after I reached out. He was courteous, I was courteous.
However, I reached out to an ex at a time when I haven’t been in a serious relationship for over two years. I think this is the most honest I’ve been in this blog. We don’t usually like to air to all and sundry how f****d up our love lives are. Not that I’m implying mine is f****d up. It’s simply not where I would want it to be at the moment and probably, my contacting a blast from the past could be related to this fact, which I admit begrudgingly.
Needless to say, in a moment of that shitty feeling you get,when you start to wonder what your role in the universe is and if you are doomed to sift through millions of frogs to find that prince charming, I ended up ranting to this ex about my issues. Bad idea! I know! Roll your eyes all you want! Castigate me if you can! It happened and I can’t take it back and he was gracious enough to listen. But I’m so embarrassed by it!
I probably shouldn’t have contacted him. I probably shouldn’t have ranted my head off about how I felt the universe was against me and what I thought wasn’t going right in my life. I should have switched off that phone and thrown it into the fire if possible. I should have walked into an eat out place( probably KFC where they sell chicken in buckets and Kenyans are starting to get scared of the junk bingeing culture being promoted) and just bought a bucketful of chicken and chips, sat in a corner by myself and gobbled down my issues with each biteful.
Then I would have walked out of that place with my head held high, thankful that KFC finally made it to Kenya, with my dignity intact and headed home feeling like I had just conquered the biggest mountain. But instead I contacted an ex. Someone I have not seen in years( until this month). Someone I sort of drifted from. How pathetic does this singlehood get?
And so as I recover from this shameful incident, I’m currently scrutinizing my dating life. I have since come to a conclusion that every ex serves their purpose and how you choose to break up will determine whether you end up feeling like, you need closure from them in future or you are totally done with that chapter of your life. If you can’t trust not making a fool of yourself, simply don’t contact an ex.
Was I looking for some form of confirmation, that prince charmings still exist and I should probably hold on a little longer in my quest of finding true love, by contacting this ex? Did I have some form of hope that he might still be the least bit interested? We all know that ego boost we get when an ex still seems hang up on us. And how that ego deflates the minute we realize that they are so over us.