Today morning I got a friend request on Facebook, from someone I once worked with in 2015 and who had the hots for me, but I just wasn’t feeling him. So I stared at my phone screen for a while debating on whether to confirm or not. In the end, I deleted the request. I know, it sounds cold, right?
Anyways, for some reason, I didn’t like this guy. Something about him was just off putting. Coupled with the fact that I didn’t consider him my type, I also felt that there was something pretentious with how strongly he came. I did a background check immediately from a colleague and I found out they had a thing. Months later, while chatting with a friend whom I had previously worked with in the same place with this guy, I found out that he had been married once, it didn’t work out but there was a child.
He never told me that! All that gushing over how much he was into me and how much he was turned on by me just made me run for the hills. Something didn’t quite sit right with me about him and so it surprised me that despite my very obvious actions, he was still contacting me sometime in April this year. Apologizing for anything wrong he had done to make me not want anything to do with him. Just lame, I thought. I had tried to be polite in communicating the fact that I didn’t like him but he wouldn’t relent. Adding him on Social media as a friend was just not a wise decision, I concluded this morning.
Which got me thinking whether not liking someone translates into a woman being picky as society tends to sometimes put it. Does it mean that she will die single if she doesn’t seem to like most of the men hitting on her?
I personally think a woman has all the right to settle for what she wants. Over time, I have learnt to pay attention to my gut instinct. If something doesn’t feel right about someone, even though I can’t put a finger on what it is, I steer clear of that person. It applies both ways, for men and women. My decision to pay attention to what my instinct is telling me is not so much based on being snobbish, but on past experiences where I ignored my instincts and ended up regretting that decision.
Society does not have to pressure women to take whatever comes their way. I’m a bit skeptical about dating a man with a child and more so if there is a baby mama in the picture. I don’t want to deal with all that drama (should it arise) and with all due respect to baby mamas out there. However, I find it noble when a man straight away tells me about a child or children he has. That way, I’m in the know and can therefore decide whether I’ll go ahead and date him or not. Most of the time, I won’t. And I find nothing wrong with my decision. It’s just what I feel is right for me at the moment.
The same way men can decide that they don’t like women for certain reasons is the same way women should also be allowed to decide the same. There’s nothing about being too picky in such a situation. As a matter of fact, there’s a huge difference between pickiness and developing a long list of unattainable standards that you expect from a man. It’s not like I have that long list myself but there are certain things I’m comfortable with and know I can put up with from someone I’m dating and others I know I’m not comfortable with and can’t put up with, that make me change my mind altogether about this person.
Have you ever encountered being considered picky for rejecting a man’s advances? And what do you think? I’d like to hear from you guys.