Month: December 2016

5 Red Flags To Check Out For On A First Date

He just asked you out on a first date, you are excited. Probably it has been a while since any man showed signs of interest in you. This looks promising. But what red flags do you need to check out for on a first date?

Photo Credits: Internet Sources

Photo Credits: Internet Sources

1. The guy talking incessantly about himself

I’m one of those types of people who appear tolerant of others. I have equally been on a couple of dates, where I had to listen to a guy ramble on about his achievements and job the entire date, with a face that looked believably interested. However, I consider this a classic red flag of a self centered individual.

When a man asks you out on a first date, the aim is to get to know you a little bit better and to decide whether they want to see you again or not. Therefore, the conversation should be back and forth as you are also trying to know the same about him. I mean, he hasn’t invited you to listen to a monologue about his entire life!

If you proceed to date this guy, he will never give you a chance to express yourself in the relationship.

2. The guy seeming distracted.

This is a first date. You are supposed to be on your best behavior. You are supposed to be on a quest to impress me. But if you are busy checking your phone or wrist watch every now and then and appearing absent minded, you probably are not that interested in knowing or dating me.

If you proceed to date this guy, he will never have time for you.

3. The guy is ogling at you and other women openly during the date.

Creep. No manners.

If he can’t be courteous enough to show you some respect on a first date, he will never be courteous to you in the relationship. Men are visual creatures and female bodies turn them on big time, but that fact should not be a warrant for a particular man, to act disrespectfully to a woman he has asked out on a first date. Huge red flag that you will probably have to deal with countless women of his and baby mamas should you go ahead and date him.

4. The guy suggesting to cook you dinner or lunch at his home on a first date.

You don’t know this guy. You don’t know if he has a criminal record. Why should you trust him enough to head over to his home on a first date? Men who suggest first dates to their homes have no intention of putting any effort to pursue you. In my country, some men have over time convinced themselves that women are too easy so they don’t bother putting in any effort. They simply assume that if they act all sweet by suggesting they want to cook you a delicious meal at their homes, you will interpret this to mean that they are romantic to want to cook for you.

Call me materialistic but this is the most cheapest first date. They get to spend about 200shs to whip up a convincing meal and still get the additional priviledge of a condusive environment for rushed sex to happen. Sorry girl, this man only wanted a lay, used the crudest method to get laid and isn’t going to date you. Give yourself some class woman and avoid initial dates to men’s houses.

5. The guy is not bothered how you make it home after the date and calling to find out if you reached safely.

A friend of mine on facebook complains bitterly, about the misguided form of feminism that often seeems to rubbish the men’s efforts in society and frequently seems to trample on the male gender. I respect feminists and subscribe to feminism thinking when blogging on societal issues but feminist or not, let the man pay for your first date. Let the man cater for how you will get back home from the date.

You prove nothing by trying to show a man on a first date that you can provide for yourself. How will you know if this man is a protector or a provider if you come with money for your food, drink and cab fare, ready to trash his efforts to wow you on a first date? I’m not implying that you carry no money in your purse on a first date. A 21st century, liberated woman always carries enough money for the day in her purse. I’m only implying that you resist the urge to prove to this man, that you’ve got your own cash and can make it home on your own means. Trust me, if you act that way on a first date, he will never try to impress nor pursue you in future.

If he doesn’t call to find out if you made it home safely after the date, he doesn’t care about your welfare. A gentleman will always make sure any woman he’s out on a date with had transport home catered for and actually got home without any mishap. These gentlemen are out there! It’s only that women have over time worked so hard to prove to men how equal they are to them, that men nowadays see no need to try doing some things that they did effortlessly in the past.

What Do Exes Represent In Our Life And Should We Contact Them?

I have been thinking off late about the role our exes play in our lives. What purpose do they serve? Do they represent a time in our lives when we didn’t know better and just picked up the first human in a trouser or skirt to date? Will we ever get over the negative feelings triggered by the break up? Can exes be friends?

Quite recently I reached out to an ex I hadn’t spoken to or seen in years. He just crossed my mind and I was like, well, it wouldn’t hurt finding out how he has been. When we dated we were teenagers. Children. We broke up childishly and life simply happened. Each of us went our own way and never got to bump into each other again. So we did meet up after I reached out. He was courteous, I was courteous.

However, I reached out to an ex at a time when I haven’t been in a serious relationship for over two years. I think this is the most honest I’ve been in this blog. We don’t usually like to air to all and sundry how f****d up our love lives are. Not that I’m implying mine is f****d up. It’s simply not where I would want it to be at the moment and probably, my contacting a blast from the past could be related to this fact, which I admit begrudgingly.

welovedates-com

welovedates.com

Needless to say, in a moment of that shitty feeling you get,when you start to wonder what your role in the universe is and if you are doomed to sift through millions of frogs to find that prince charming, I ended up ranting to this ex about my issues. Bad idea! I know! Roll your eyes all you want! Castigate me if you can! It happened and I can’t take it back and he was gracious enough to listen. But I’m so embarrassed by it!

I probably shouldn’t have contacted him. I probably shouldn’t have ranted my head off about how I felt the universe was against me and what I thought wasn’t going right in my life. I should have switched off that phone and thrown it into the fire if possible. I should have walked into an eat out place( probably KFC where they sell chicken in buckets and Kenyans are starting to get scared of the junk bingeing culture being promoted) and just bought a bucketful of chicken and chips, sat in a corner by myself and gobbled down my issues with each biteful.

Then I would have walked out of that place with my head held high, thankful that KFC finally made it to Kenya, with my dignity intact and headed home feeling like I had just conquered the biggest mountain. But instead I contacted an ex. Someone I have not seen in years( until this month). Someone I sort of drifted from. How pathetic does this singlehood get?

And so as I recover from this shameful incident, I’m currently scrutinizing my dating life. I have since come to a conclusion that every ex serves their purpose and how you choose to break up will determine whether you end up feeling like, you need closure from them in future or you are totally done with that chapter of your life. If you can’t trust not making a fool of yourself, simply don’t contact an ex.

Was I looking for some form of confirmation, that prince charmings still exist and I should probably hold on a little longer in my quest of finding true love, by contacting this ex? Did I have some form of hope that he might still be the least bit interested? We all know that ego boost we get when an ex still seems hang up on us. And how that ego deflates the minute we realize that they are so over us.

Thoughts?

 

Behold, A Kenyan Christmas!

As is Kenyan tradition, many of us will travel upcountry or to smaller hometowns for Christmas. The upper middle class who consider themselves lovers of travel with disposable income, will however head to the coast or to an exotic hotel somewhere in the middle of the wilderness teeming with wildlife and have themselves a wonderful, drama-free Christmas surrounded by a spouse or partner and/or children.

Photo credits: Internet Sources

Photo credits: Internet Sources

For the rest of us headed upcountry or to smaller hometowns this Christmas season, here’s what to expect;

1. An Overflowing House.

A house that once consisted of ageing parents, will soon be transformed into a house teeming with humanity. All the grown children will decide to come home for christmas together with their offspring and hapless spouses, who lacked believable excuses to remain behind. Children from the city will suddenly whip out tablets laden with downloaded games, to which the neighborhood children or children belonging to cousins who never left the locality, will gawk at in awe as these “enlightened” city borns tap away with such dexterity.

Granny will suddenly want to brag introduce her successful children to her church women friends. They will always seem to come trooping in every single evening and struggle woefully to pronounce the city names of the little ones. Names like Tamara, Chantel, Kian, Jason…will prove such a huge task to grasp for these church mamas who are more conversant with the missionary names, Margaret, Jane, Lucy and the likes.

For the hapless spouse, they will only have to endure the inconvinience of a houseful with a most believable smile plastered on their faces, all the while vowing silently to skip next Christmas’ journey to their in-laws.

2. Sharing beds.

Most of the time, the youngest of the adult children who is not yet married and probably still in campus, will be requested to share beds with the children who sleep the worst. Just to appear polite, he or she will probably agree all the while knowing that texting away in the cover of darkness will soon be proven extinct, by these young ones who sleep as if they are in the middle of a swimming lesson.

Mornings will be terrible as waking up with aching and tired muscles and stiff necks from all that kicking and turning of the new bed occupants during night time, will be the order of the day. Plus they risk being dumped by that hot chic or guy who probably has started assuming they are cheating, that’s why they nowadays do not seem to keep up with night time texts.

3. Never ending chores.

With the daily influx of visitors coupled with the increased population in the house, chores will appear to stretch the entire day. The hapless spouse who can whip up some tasty chapatis will automatically be expected to cook two bundles of chapatis come Christmas day.

She will most definitely spend the whole day in the kitchen wrapped in a lesso while sitting on a low stool, cooking chapatis for everyone else in the house. When done, she will probably have a splitting headache from sitting too close to the carbon monoxide laden jiko and lacking in appetite, as the smell of cooking chapatis has bloated her tummy already.

Again there will be utensils to wash, a kitchen to clear, diapers to change for the toddlers who have eaten too much for their little stomachs to handle and tea to make for the older generation. By the time Christmas season is done, many who did the house chores will feel as if they had been to a bootcamp rather than a holiday.

4. Family drama.

Of course there’s that brother or cousin who never made anything of himself and has since decided the world must be against him. Or that sister who started giving birth in class 7 and over 20 years later has 5 children, with 5 different men and is married to a jerk, who beats the daylights out of her.

Those ones will decide to settle scores over Christmas lunch with relatives from the city they think abandoned them at their most vulnerable. The sister will start with sarcastic remarks aimed at a sister, who is probably doing well which will eventually escalate into a bitter exchange of words. The brother will visit the chang’aa den, add some weed to it and decide to smash the windows of another brother’s car. Chaos will erupt. Some will fight, some will cry, some will start packing up in a bid to return back to the city where they came from…

In the end, the elderly man of the house will bring order by threatening to curse anyone who misbehaves and reminding everyone, that they are related by blood incase they had forgotten. Christmas will still be celebrated and grandparents will be happy to see their children and grandchildren and to receive gifts from those who came home for the holidays.

 

For everyone else celebrating Christmas across the world, I wish you a Merry Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Emerging Cultic Tendencies In The 21st Century World

Disclaimer: Views expressed in this post are the author’s and are not intended to attack a particular society or group.

So we are getting closer and closer to the end of 2016. New year resolutions are already in the making and goals that were not achieved in 2016 are now in the bucket list for 2017. As we draw closer to the finish line that is this year, I decided to take a look at some of the Cultic tendencies that have over time invaded our society. Some, you will realize, have equally been evident in the past century so it’s nothing totally new, simply more pronounced in the current century and Kenyan society, to be more specific.

So what are these emerging cultic tendencies I want to address, I hear you ask?

RELIGION

Over time, religion has been the most misunderstood aspect in society. And while the intentions of religion have always been to provide a spiritual guidance to the masses in their daily living, scripture has often times been taken out of context therefore, paving the way for a misguided cultic way of handling religion. The fact that many more individuals are enduring sufferings of every manner and are in dire need of a miracle, cultic leaders have had a field day recruiting vulnerable members into their fold.

And while in the previous century, cults had distinct ways of living and dressing that separated them from the masses and made it easier to identify them, in this century, cults have taken up a different form where they are not easily identifiable. As a matter of fact, many more people are joining cults without even realizing that they are in cults. Religious cults have since morphed into movements that are appealing to the masses and are not overly direct in their approach of recruiting. Threats to members having a desire to leave a cult are no longer issued, since the cult leaders have perfected the art of ensnarement that often is psychological.

Logical reasoning is often shunned by members who are unlucky enough to unknowingly find themselves in religious cults. Other people not subscribing to their misguided doctrine are often associated with being of the devil or lost. Indeed, the daily cropping up of churches and religious leaders purporting to possess divine powers in our Kenyan society and a hunger for a religious miracle in the lives of the masses, does little to help with this emergence of religious cultic tendencies.

As a result of their emotional nature, women have been targetted by religious cults. Innocent lives have been lost at the hands of extremists who interpret religion differenty from the rest. Young jobless men have ended up recruited into extremist groups. In the 21st century, the most distinct hallmarks of religious cults has been extremist views,that are often detrimental to society at large not only the members.

NETWORK MARKETING COMPANIES

Our Kenyan society is currently bombarded by offers to make that extra income in Network Marketing Companies. Personally, I have been involved with a Network Marketing Company whose only purpose in my life was seemingly, to drain me off the little finances I had.

I will not say that Network Marketing Companies are scams since I have witnessed individuals who actually make money in those companies and ultimately improve their lives, never to need formal employment. Plus the company I was in was pretty solid. So it’s not all doom and gloom in Network Marketing at least for the 1% who succeed in it. According to statistics, 99% of the people who join Network Marketing Companies fail.

However, during my stay in a Network Marketing Company, I noticed a cultic tendency among a majority of the Network Marketers. The fact that I found myself having to talk about what I do from day break to night fall in a bid to make a sale or recruit members into this “amazing” opportunity did not quite sit well with me. I made friends with a guy who never seemed to want to talk about anything else except the Network Marketing Company we were in.

When it became clearly evident to me that I wasn’t making any money, I started poring over the good and ugly information on Network Marketing. I also subsequently realized that none of the Network Marketers looked at the other side of the coin. They will mostly dwell on the positives and never on the negatives which is great for knowledge and self improvement purposes, so I thought. Needless to say, it was hard for me to walk away from Network Marketing since the message being preached was that “employment was enslavement”.

But when I finally did, I knew I was never going back. Some of the cultic tendencies of Network Marketing Companies I identified, is the constant desire to talk about one’s achievement despite a majority, actually struggling in the business. Again, logic reasoning is shunned. Walking out of a Network Marketing company is often associated with failure on the person’s part. Formal employment is given this ugly face.

Nobody forces you to join a Network Marketing Company so the choice remains the individual’s and if you believe it can work for you.

CELEBRITY LIVES

Sometime this year, Beyonce was performing on stage and got a slight injury. I was appalled to read on the internet that several of her fans equally cut themselves in solidarity with the singer. Sometime back, Enrique Iglesias injured his fingers while on stage performing and he didn’t quite get the same reaction from fans of showing solidarity to that extent, save for the messages of goodwill. And by the way, I’m equally a fan of Enrique.

I guess it all depends on the kind of pull a certain celebrity has to his/her fans. Now I have nothing against any celebrity in particular but in the 21st century, we have witnessed more and more of a cult-like following of celebrities. Never mind that some are not very good role models to the people looking up to them.

I have personally watched on TV, individuals who decide to go under the surgeon’s knife just to get that Michael Jackson look or Marylyn Monroe look or Spiderman look. We follow up on the lives of these celebrities and try to emulate what they do so as to be more in tune with them, or so. In reality, these individuals are just like us. The only difference between us and them is the fact that they are in the public eye and adored by many.

Terms like Beyhive (Beyonce’s fans) or Beliebers (Justin Bieber fans) and the likes are not going to end soon seeing that most of these fans take it a little too seriously than expected. Reality shows presenting a near perfect life of celebrities are just another channel of promoting the cultic following of many celebrities by clueless, wannabe, normal people.

 

Are Nairobians Heartless?

Image result for nairobi

Ariel view of Nairobi, Kenya. Photo Credit: Internet Sources

I got the inspiration to do this post from Giulia’s  www.justanothersinglegirlinlondon.com/are-londoners-heartless. It got me thinking whether her perception of London, the city she currently resides in, resonated well with how Nairobians behave miles away.

Nairobi has been dubbed the “city under the sun” and to foreigners, it is the most hospitable and vibrant places to live in. With it’s cosmopolitan population, great eat out places to hang out, Uber taxi services, 5 star hotels, large malls and tourist sites, tourists quickly find themselves at ease within the city.

However, for a Kenyan who is new in Nairobi, it will quickly dawn on you how Nairobians can be such cold, aloof individuals. The explanation usually given for this, is the fact that you can’t just trust anyone’s intentions in the city. And of course the all too famous explanation, that life is fast in Nairobi and so people are definitely busy.

For a newcomer who has just landed in the city for whatever reason, you will quickly discover that Nairobians just do not say hi to anyone. Probably your attempts at genuinely greeting strangers on the street will be met with a suspicious look and quickening of steps. Trying to ask for directions will prove a futile attempt, as nobody will seem to believe that you are indeed lost.

If you are unfortunate enough to ask the wrong person for directions, you will quickly end up earmarked for a possible mugging, that will leave you even more scared of being in the city. A single Nairobian will rarely help someone who is getting mugged on the street not unless many eyes have equally seen the mugging take place and are swift to “help” with mob justice.

Mob justice usually involving clobbering the thief to death or near death. You will often wonder where this mob comes from for it happens within the blinking of an eye. But for the one person who sees someone being pick pocketed and keeps quiet, it is not so much because that person is heartless, but rather due to the fear of the unknown.

You are not sure if the thief is armed and whether they will turn on you instead for speaking out. So the seasoned Nairobian will look the other way and only mention the mugging once he/she gets to the confines of his/her home.

A newcomer in the city will also have to contend with brash touts and matatu drivers and extremely loud, disco like music in matatus. Your requests for the music to be turned down a little will fall on deaf ears. You will probably board the wrong matatu one too many times, only to be met with an unsympathetic tout who will admonish you loudly for not looking at the routes being plied by the particular matatu properly, before boarding.

Then you will be forced to pay the fare and then get dropped off at a place you are not even sure of, only to begin the hurdle of asking for directions again. And did I mention that the fare in the city, is never that friendly to newcomers, used to cheaper life in other towns in Kenya? The graffiti on some of the buses will remind you of some of the demonic signs to look out for, that your village pastor warned you about in one of his fiery sermons.

The many pedestrians on the street will literally suffocate you in downtown Nairobi. So will the matatus that cut corners and reverse dangerously within the CBD make your heart nearly leap out of your chest. You will also be privy to horror stories of individuals who met their death, from dangerous driving and reversing of matatus within the city centre or on various city routes. You will begin to wonder what brought you to Nairobi in the first place.

Neighbors will not seem that willing to befriend you. You will probably have to endure many greetings going unanswered and very few pleasantries from people who live around you. The few who will seem genuinely friendly, will only want to prod where you have come from and what has brought you to the “city under the sun”.

If you are a single male, you will have to endure sophisticated city chics rebuffing your attempts to charm them countless times. Either you will seem too upcountry to them in your thinking or dressing or too poor to take them out on a proper date to Java, Artcaffe, Brew Bistro and the likes. Your village accent will also prove to be a major turn off to the women of Nairobi, who speak polished British English.

However, you will soon get used to the fast life of the city, upgrade your dressing and manners and surprisingly, acquire the very mannerisms that repulsed you when you were very new. One day you will walk down the street and someone will be lying down on the pavement and you won’t bother to look, assuming he/she is probably drunk or one of the street beggars. It will then dawn on you that the city bug of coldness and aloofness has bitten you.

Does Not Liking Someone Translate Into A Woman Being Picky?

Today morning I got a friend request on Facebook, from someone I once worked with in 2015 and who had the hots for me, but I just wasn’t feeling him. So I stared at my phone screen for a while debating on whether to confirm or not. In the end, I deleted the request. I know, it sounds cold, right?

Anyways, for some reason, I didn’t like this guy. Something about him was just off putting. Coupled with the fact that I didn’t consider him my type, I also felt that there was something pretentious with how strongly he came. I did a background check immediately from a colleague and I found out they had a thing. Months later, while chatting with a friend whom I had previously worked with in the same place with this guy, I found out that he had been married once, it didn’t work out but there was a child.

He never told me that! All that gushing over how much he was into me and how much he was turned on by me just made me run for the hills. Something didn’t quite sit right with me about him and so it surprised me that despite my very obvious actions, he was still contacting me sometime in April this year. Apologizing for anything wrong he had done to make me not want anything to do with him. Just lame, I thought. I had tried to be polite in communicating the fact that I didn’t like him but he wouldn’t relent. Adding him on Social media as a friend was just not a wise decision, I concluded this morning.

Which got me thinking whether not liking someone translates into a woman being picky as society tends to sometimes put it. Does it mean that she will die single if she doesn’t seem to like most of the men hitting on her?

Photo Credit: Internet Sources

Photo Credit: Internet Sources

I personally think a  woman has all the right to settle for what she wants. Over time, I have learnt to pay attention to my gut instinct. If something doesn’t feel right about someone, even though I can’t put a finger on what it is, I steer clear of that person. It applies both ways, for men and women. My decision to pay attention to what my instinct is telling me is not so much based on being snobbish, but on past experiences where I ignored my instincts and ended up regretting that decision.

Society does not have to pressure women to take whatever comes their way. I’m a bit skeptical about dating a man with a child and more so if there is a baby mama in the picture. I don’t want to deal with all that drama (should it arise) and with all due respect to baby mamas out there. However, I find it noble when a man straight away tells me about a child or children he has. That way, I’m in the know and can therefore decide whether I’ll go ahead and date him or not. Most of the time, I won’t. And I find nothing wrong with my decision. It’s just what I feel is right for me at the moment.

The same way men can decide that they don’t like women for certain reasons is the same way women should also be allowed to decide the same. There’s nothing about being too picky in such a situation. As a matter of fact, there’s a huge difference between pickiness and developing a long list of unattainable standards that you expect from a man. It’s not like I have that long list myself but there are certain things I’m comfortable with and know I can put up with from someone I’m dating and others I know I’m not comfortable with and can’t put up with, that make me change my mind altogether about this person.

Have you ever encountered being considered picky for rejecting a man’s advances? And what do you think? I’d like to hear from you guys.

The Undateables And Finding The One

indexI have recently been watching episodes of the The Undateables on DSTV’s TLC channel. This is a reality show, geared toward connecting people who have trouble finding compatible partners due to certain disabilities, genetic conditions or social ineptness, to other people with a similar predicament.

The matchmakers do a commendable good job at finding matches for these people who are considered “undateable”. And I must say it’s really cute seeing them shy off or act all awkward while on dates and still get a second date and a possibility at love.

We might consider these particular targeted group as special  due to their circumstances but in reality, many people secretly consider themselves undateable. They just don’t voice it out for fear of revealing their insecurities to others, yet they appear to have it all in terms of looks, career and the likes.

Many people start considering themselves undateable when they have spent a significant amount of time in the dating world, pursuing relationships that left them heartbroken and seriously wounded. To shield themselves from the pain of yet another broken relationship, these people convince themselves that they are better of casually dating or being single.

Over time we’ve started hearing of “finding the one”. Who is this “one”? The person we assume will be different from all those other people we have dated that have caused us havoc in our lives. The person we assume will make us happy. The person we assume will be ready to propose in an idyllic setting, be ready to start a family and proudly parade us as their spouse. The person who will never leave our sides.

It’s no longer only a woman thing. Men too, secretly hope to find that “one” woman who won’t run off with another man, who won’t nag about the little things, who won’t go all detective on them, who will be a good cook, a freak in the bed, satisfied with the man’s input and won’t mind the man’s passion for football time with friends.

In reality however, we do know that “finding the one” is almost like an illusion for most of us, since there is no “one” person out there who is without flaws. So we resign ourselves to the fact that perhaps we are just not that attractive or good enough, to find someone who will give us that pure love and not end up ripping off our hearts from our chests, with their actions.

And we decide to settle for the familiar, shut out any possibilities of finding love or opt to create a subconscious wall that reads “NO ENTRY” to our hearts. We do not realize that by admitting secretly to being undateable, we are in reality chasing away any possibility of finding someone, who is compatible with us. Instead, we are coming up with daily conclusions about men and women that are in fact, baseless.

Being “undateable” doesn’t only have to manifest itself in how we look physically or what disabilities we have struggled with. Often times, being “undateable” is actually a mindset for the able bodied individuals, who have since convinced themselves that they can never find someone to love them truly.

And even though that someone may be right in front of their eyes, the veil of “undateability” over their faces prevents them from seeing that possibility. Relationship coaches may spend years coming up with guides on how to attract the right man or woman. But as long as you have convinced yourself that nobody can date you, the way you want to be dated, no amount of coaching can help.

If you want to experience that feeling of true love then you have to be open to finding that true love and not necessarily “the one”. I’m not implying that you throw all caution to the wind and settle on that man or woman who seems ready to be in a relationship. I mean embracing that feel good feeling you get whenever you start seeing that someone, that you click with on so many fronts.

He or she doesn’t have to be what you are used to, but those special qualities that you can pinpoint in him or her and the fact that you are both starting to get to know each other, should be your cue in pursuing this newfound love. When you stop looking at someone through a judgmental lense, influenced by certain conclusions you have since come up with, is when you increase your chances of actually being dateable.

Stop believing that you are not good enough to be in an actual relationship or you are too damaged to find someone to understand you and find that love that you truly desire.

The “Naked Is The New Sexy” Trend

Disclaimer: This post contains some images with varying levels of nudity.

There seems to be a new trend in Celebville of prancing around resembling our African forefathers, who knew nothing about wearing clothes for decency. Our African forefathers can be forgiven for that, because they made use of readily available materials in their locality and possessed the wisdom to cover up areas considered private.

So been wondering how this “Naked is the new sexy” trend came about.

Quite recently, Chrissie Teigen, model and wife to musician John Legend received quite the backlash for wearing a barely there outfit to the AMAs, that ended up showing us a little more than we bargained for. I watched the Fashion Police go at her on her wardrobe choice and couldn’t help getting amused that, they considered her choice poor, yet more and more celebs are flashing  their nudity at every given opportunity and still get considered classy.

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 20:  Model Chrissy Teigen arrives at the 2016 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater on November 20, 2016 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images for Fashion Media)

The Photo that showed Chrissie accidentally flashing an area that should have been kept covered up. (Photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images for Fashion Media)

A quick check on the Internet and it is clear Chrissie has a penchant for risque outfits, that cause her regular wardrobe malfunctions. But she seems to take it in her stride seeing that she has a modelling background and a hubby, who does not seem to give a hoot over what the critics think of his wife’s wardrobe choices. Who am I to judge?

We’ve seen more skin flashing from other female celebrities to dwell on this particular one.

One of the Risque outfits Rihanna has won to an event in the past. Image Courtesy of Google.

One of the Risque outfits Rihanna has won to an event in the past. Image Courtesy of Google.

 

Yet another risque outfit that J-Lo has won to a past event. Image courtesy of Google.

Yet another risque outfit that J-Lo has won to a past event. Image courtesy of Google.

 

Nicki Minaj in a barely there outfit to a past event. Image Courtesy of Google.

Nicki Minaj in a see through outfit. Image Courtesy of Google.

See what I’m talking about?

I’ve said it here in the past that there’s this pressure for female celebrities to look and appear sexy. Perhaps oversexualized? I’m a huge fan of Ariana Grande and regularly download her music, but I can’t help being concerned that the young lady has for a while, been trying so hard to be sexy. Too sexy for her age.

I would have loved to see her gradually transition from a late teen, to an early twenties young woman to a late twenties woman. Sadly, I have seen her dress too grown up, writhe on the floor, pout her lips and push out her bust and bum for the cameras, at a point in time when she looks really young to be doing so.

Ariana Grande on stage. Photo Courtesy of Google.

Ariana Grande on stage. Photo Courtesy of Google.

And trust me, African female celebrities from the African continent are joining the “naked is the new sexy” bandwagon, as evidenced by South African musician Pam Andrews, who wore this risque outfit to an awards show sometime in 2014.

Pam Andrews. Courtesy of Google Images

Pam Andrews. Courtesy of Google Images

Celebs in the past have been known to be too quick to hush their critics with rather strong words concerning their careers in showbiz, whenever they were faced with severe backlash over how they dressed or portrayed themselves. It’s all about entertainment. Entertainment is harmless, they tend to make it seem.

Well, I consider myself no moral judge. However, the sexuality of a woman tends to be overused in the entertainment scene. We don’t get to see many naked male celebrities in video shoots but we do get to see hordes of women in barely there bikinis and varying degrees of nudity.

The culture of “sex sells” is deeply rooted in our psyc that anything that does not seem to promote sex and nudity is considered rather bland and boring. Show us some more skin, and we definitely gonna look and pay attention!

It’s no longer about the celebration of a woman’s body but rather how sexual she can appear in her skin. How many times sex flashes in our minds when we see these exposed parts of a woman that ought to be covered up but have instead been put on display. I have no idea what the entertainers themselves feel about this topic but it is rather unsettling to me.

It may surprise many to learn that the conservative Indian culture actually celebrates the woman’s body in a saree. You don’t get to see a woman’s “hooha” to quote Chrissie Teigen, her nipples or her booty. But you still get to see the feminine silhoutte that is still attractive in a saree.

Internet Sources

Internet Sources

 

Internet Sources

Internet Sources

 

Internet Sources

Internet Sources

So I’m kind of wondering if there are other ways we can celebrate a woman’s body, without having to see her naked or being privy to the fact that she has no underwear underneath. Is it even possible for our female celebrities who have over time grown accustomed to this nudity buzz, to tone down a little bit on just how sexual they portray themselves?

Is there really a future for little girls who have grown up witnessing their celeb moms shaking it on stage, in see through clothes that revealed their breasts and bums? Would I still reach out for that music CD next time I’m out shopping, of a female celebrity I love, in music videos that were akin to a nude party?

What do you guys think?

 

Who Said Small Town Girl Can’t Make It Big?

First and foremost, I would like to announce to my readers that I’m officially back in the blogging scene therefore, expect to see more of my posts from now henceforth.

So let’s jump right into today’s topic!

Quite recently I remembered a conversation I once had with someone I intended to date. I’m a small town born and raised girl. Well, not necessarily small town per se. I have grown up in locations considered major towns in Kenya but if you compare those major towns to Nairobi, where I currently reside, they are no match to the city. And Kenya, for my foreign readers is not a very large country. It’s big alright but not to the magnitude of Sudan, Brazil and the likes and not as small as The Central African Republic. Somewhere in the middle of very large and small. Anyways…

I have always considered our current Cabinet Secretary of Foreign Affairs, Amb. Dr. Amina Mohammed as a role model. Secretly, I have also harbored the desire to one day venture into Diplomacy.

kenyan Foreign Affairs CS, Amb. Dr. Amina Mohammed

Kenyan Foreign Affairs CS, Amb. Dr. Amina Mohammed. Photo Courtesy of Wikipedia.

So we were on a first date and somewhere along the way, my conversation with this guy veered toward school and career ambitions and for some reason, I mentioned that I would like someday to go the Diplomacy way in my career. This guy looked at me with a somewhat sympathetic smile and said, “Wewe msichana wa Nakuru uko na hizo mafikira?” For my foreign readers, he simply wondered how I thought I could make it to be a Diplomat, being a chic from Nakuru (my current hometown). Well, I was somewhat offended but being a first date, you kind of don’t show it. However, that particular subject ended at that point and we talked of other things instead.

Well, to cut a long story short, we barely dated. It didn’t work out very early on which was just as well, seeing that this guy wasn’t quite the ambitious type despite his surprisingly, good education.

Anyways, let me state to all and sundry that Amb. Amina Mohammed is actually a small town girl. A “very small” town girl who was brought up in Amalemba, Kakamega and attended schools in the then Western Province of Kenya before proceeding overseas for her university education. We talk of counties nowadays. Plus, she is of Somali descent where for a long time, educating the girl child in the community, was not considered that important. So anyone who thinks that small town girls from marginalized communities can’t make it big are thoroughly mistaken.

I tend to think that society has over time drafted this image considered “ideal” for a woman to make it big. She has to be the sophisticated type, from this exposed family, born and raised in a big city, beautiful, well traveled, of a certain skin tone…blah, blah, blah. The same happens in other parts of the world not necessarily in Africa. Just last month, a West Virginia Official in the US lost her job after referring to Outgoing First Lady of the US, Michelle Obama as an “Ape in heels”. With yet another woman of high standing, agreeing with her in the comment section of the offensive post on Facebook which read;

“It will be refreshing to have a classy, beautiful, dignified First Lady in the White House. I’m tired of seeing a Ape in heels,”

From the above incident, it is pretty obvious that society has over time set standards considered ideal, for a woman to make something of herself. And we tend to not quite believe that hard work, ambition and determination is often times all it takes, for a woman to be where she wants to be in life. I consider Michelle Obama one of those self driven women, who were ambitious enough to achieve what they wanted.

She did not come from a well to do family, but that fact did not stop her from making it to top universities to pursue her career of choice. It’s not a matter of what color her skin is or whether someone, somewhere, considers her a cousin to a primate, it’s all about what she has achieved as an individual and the possibility of a Black woman, to carry herself with such grace and end up as a First Lady of a superpower.

Many girls have been made to believe that they cannot achieve anything just from that mere fact of where they come from. Almost like their destiny has been mapped out for them by people who hardly know better. So she’s from a small town or community, then she only needs a basic education, a man to marry her and children to raise that will keep her busy.

Society does not realize that we are killing the dreams of many girls who could have otherwise made something great out of themselves. Who is society? Society is you and me who decide to give a free pass to girls from certain backgrounds just because we assume their social standing equates to success. Society is you and me who look at a woman’s skin tone and decide whether she can make it to an advertising billboard or not. Society is you and me who stereotype girls who come from remote, dusty locations as uncultured, unexposed and unworthy of any forms of success.

It might surprise you that most women who go on to become such great people came from places that can hardly be located on a map. They were not necessarily beautiful, vain or monied. They worked their way up. Got scholarships to study in prestigious universities, maximized on their special giftings and displayed a certain level of intellect that amazed all those who interacted with them.

I can’t really blame that guy I was on a date with for being stereotypical. I actually attribute his reasoning to what he has grown accustomed to seeing. Women not believing in themselves enough to come out of their areas of locality and actually achieve something tangible. It may have sounded really foreign to him that a woman somewhere thought that she could become something, he hasn’t seen other women becoming in that particular locality.

Women should stop believing in these baseless stereotypes. Women need to believe in themselves to the point where anything is possible for them to achieve. I still consider Amb. Amina Mohammed a role model. I still hope that someday, I end up in diplomacy. If it so happens, you my readers will be the first to know that I made it 😉