Are Older Men Better Lovers?

This is a curiosity that has over time gotten the better of me.

When I talk about older men, I do not mean the men in the “sponsor” category, where the woman does not mind how wrinkly the chap looks or whether he has erectile dysfunction issues or not, as long as she is smiling all the way to the bank. I mean men who are significantly older than the woman they are intending to date. Say between 10 to 16 years older than their love interest.

Men who were previously married but then it never worked out and they ended up divorced or separated. Men whose spouses are deceased. Men who have never been married and are already at the 40 years old mark. Those are the men I’m talking about.

So question is, are they better lovers than their younger testosterone driven counterparts?

Financial Capability.

Of course a guy who is significantly older has put his finances in order. We all secretly or openly know that, one of the factors that women intending to get into relationships with particular men consider is the men’s financial capabilities. This does not translate into gold-digging per se.

A woman would want to be assured of the fact that a man is in essence capable of taking care of her needs. That should she get his children, then he can be able to provide financially for his family. If a man seems a little unsure with his finances, many focused women would opt not to carry on with the relationship, for fear of financial uncertainties that seem to be looming in the future.

Older men in their 40s already have a significant amount of years while gainfully employed, under their belts. In such a scenario, the man has over time climbed through the ranks, learnt how to manage his increasing finances over the years, has experience with various financial responsibilities and is now at a place where he is sure of his financial capabilities. If not gainfully employed, he at least has a business that he has been running for a while and is quite stable.

Shout over the rooftops as you may that women are conniving opportunists, this particular financial capability in a man, whether older or within a woman’s age bracket, is almost, always very alluring.


No doubt about that. With years comes maturity. I am not trying to imply that younger men are immature. My argument lies on the fact that since this man is older, then he has definitely seen more than  what a younger man has seen and wised up in the process.

If he has tried a marriage before and it never worked out, then he is better placed to know the rocky patches that married couples have to navigate. Perhaps he has learnt from his mistakes if he was at fault. Definitely, he does not intend to repeat those same mistakes with another woman. Maybe, he has had to unfortunately grieve a loved one who could be the mother to his kids in situations where his spouse is deceased. He fully understands the pain of losing someone you love and how to cope with that loss.

In his mature state, he is not prone to making irrational decisions. He may clearly know what he wants out of a relationship with a woman he has just started seeing. I’m sure a couple of women have ever encountered an older guy who straight up stated, that he wanted to settle down perhaps on a first or a second date. In such scenarios, the woman who is always younger, may immediately think of bolting because this man seems to be in such a hurry to have a wife yet, she may not be ready herself to settle.

In some cases, it is not about being in a hurry. It could only be that this significantly, older man knows what he wants. In his maturity, he sees no reason to skirt around issues or play around. He is direct to the point with what he wants and deems fit for him.


There is a lot of uncertainty that comes with younger men and sex. It is not entirely an isolated case of a young man bedding a woman, then pulling an epic disappearing stunt immediately after the deed. It is however strange, for an older guy say 14 years older than the woman, pulling the same stunt. Most do not.

Sex to them is not a game of conquest. It is not a feat to be achieved and in the process prove yourself as a stud in bed. With years of experience, older men know better how to please a woman in bed. They take their time. They ensure she is satisfied. It is not only about their own pleasure. A woman does not have to fear that what they did behind closed doors, will make its way into the ears of the boys in the hood. As a matter of fact, sex will feel safe with him.

There’s something alluring about an older guy

I’m not sure if it is that self assured stance or the fact that clothes look good on the fit ones. Obviously, this does not translate to them automatically being good lovers but it is one of the factors, that make them attractive in the dating world.

Think Idris Elba,

Terrence Howard,

EMPIRE: Lucious (Terrence Howard) addresses his family in the "The Devil Quotes Scripture" episode airing Wednesday, Jan. 21 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2014 Fox Broadcasting Co. CR: Chuck Hodes/FOX

Lucious (Terrence Howard) in an Empire episode, addressing his family. Google pics.

Blair Underwood

 Blair Underwood/

Blair Underwood/

And these are just the ones in the public eye, some hitched. What about the normal, single, older men who take care of their weight, know how to dress and look significantly younger than their real ages?


Readers, your thoughts?





One comment

  1. Older men an in fact usually better loves. We hear this quite a bit. Many of them men we consult with are very passionate people and caring as well but for whatever reasons, those men were feeling trapped and unable to release. Once they get back on their feet again, its amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

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