Why I’m All For Hands On Dads

I’m totally awed by fathers who are completely involved in the upbringing of their own children. Seeing a father gently carrying his infant son or daughter always seems to blow me away. It just goes a long way to prove to me that there is indeed that very gentle, protective side to what is expected to be a manly, tough exterior in the male gender.

In times when quite a number of fathers have a reputation of being absentee dads, the few remaining out there who still burn the candle of proper fatherhood, only serve to maintain that all is not lost.

There is a lot that comes with fatherhood. The actual decision to father children is indeed a crucial one that needs some level of maturity in the male. Being a father is not only having little carbon copies of yourself running around in the house but rather, being aware of the developments and milestones in your children’s lives, in addition to having them in the first place.

They say a father is the first man that a little girl looks up to and that whatever standards he sets in his parenting style, is what she will subconsciously use to gauge all potential dating partners in her life in future. Indeed, quite a number of women have ended up getting hitched to men, who came across as quite alike to their own dads.

According to an article on http://www.huffingtonpost.com titled The Important Role Of Dad and dated June 12th 2014:

Girls will look for men who hold the patterns of good old dad, for after all, they know how “to do that.” Therefore, if father was kind, loving, and gentle, they will reach for those characteristics in men. Girls will look for, in others, what they have experienced and become familiar with in childhood. Because they’ve gotten used to those familial and historic behavioral patterns, they think that they can handle them in relationships.

But what is a father’s role in a son’s life?

The same article goes on to state;

Boys on the other hand, will model themselves after their fathers. They will look for their father’s approval in everything they do, and copy those behaviors that they recognize as both successful and familiar. Thus, if dad was abusive, controlling, and dominating, those will be the patterns that their sons will imitate and emulate. However, if father is loving, kind, supportive, and protective, boys will want to be that.

However, the above does not completely justify the choice of a young man becoming a wife beater just because his own father was one. Neither does it completely justify a woman ending up with an alcoholic as a hubby just because her father was one. I’m of the school of thought that, being equipped with what we know are wrong as well as good patterns of behavior as adults, then we can decide to make a personal choice, to deviate from what is considered the norm yet detrimental.

Still it is not an easy feat per se, as sometimes human beings act subconsciously. Indeed the article further explains;

Human beings are social animals and we learn by modeling behavior.Those early patterns of interaction are all children know, and it is those patterns that effect how they feel about themselves, and how they develop.

So irregardless of whatever schools of thought we allude to, the importance of a father and the particular role he portrays in a child’s life goes a long way in modelling how that child will grow up to view life. Like it or not, daddy issues are real. They could have been avoided though, if many more fathers stepped up to their roles rather than absconding their duties or adopting tyrannical stances with their own children.

Once one decides to become a father, there is no turning back. It is a lifelong decision with an implication that someone is and will always be dependent on you as a figure in their lives. It doesn’t matter whether your children grow out of diapers, go to college, get careers and start their own families. If you were the father who chose never to be involved in their upbringing, it shall forever impact them negatively. Sadly, it may impact the men and women they choose to start their own families with in future too.

One important feature I think women ought to look out for while choosing a potential mate is whether this man is in essence, able to step up to his fatherly duties, should you get pregnant by him. Will he be involved in his children’s lives whether your relationship survives the test of time or not? It doesn’t matter how happy or giddy with excitement this man makes you feel. Question is, is he up to raising the kids he will have with you in tough times or good times?

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