Notice I use the word “boyfriend” and not “your man” because your man, could also be the person you are married to and in such a scenario, cleaning is inevitable really.
I find it pointless really for women who are dating to take it upon themselves to clean their boyfriends’ homes. I come from Africa and in Africa, there is an emphasis on women to prove themselves as worthy wife materials. So what entails wife material you may ask?
Well a wife is a woman who is organized, mature, tidy, ready and capable of bringing forth life and raising children and one who is in a position to take care of a man’s physical needs, nutrition needs as well as his emotional needs, just to give a rough idea of what constitutes wifey material.
I have no problem whatsoever with the characteristics given of a woman who is ready for marriage. After all, someday in future I would love to be accorded the wife and mother status. However, I find it insane really, for a woman who has been in a relationship with a man for say, 1,2,3 months getting down on her knees and scrubbing his floors clean, doing his laundry and just about everything a housekeeper would do on every visit to this man’s house.
Oh, men hate dirty women and I have heard it preached countless times how a dirty girlfriend is such a turn off, repulsive even, for the man she is dating. It is natural for women to be keen on matters hygiene and to ensure that the home reeks of their attention to cleanliness detail, so it is assumed by many of the opposite gender.
Definitely,if this woman is visiting a man she is dating then she should automatically, set out on a mission to ensure that the highest level of cleanliness is attained in his home. Men want to feel like they really do have a woman in their life who would gladly pick up after them, never mind that the relationship’s future hasn’t yet been ascertained. And women would gladly go along with it because in African culture, having wife qualities is such an inherent need.
I tend to find this kind of reasoning so oppressive to the female gender. There’s an option of a woman to visit her boyfriend and actually not do the overall cleaning thing that is kind of, always, secretly expected of her to do. There’s also the right of a woman not to be branded lazy, just because she ignored the pile of dirty laundry sitting in her boyfriend’s laundry basket, the dusty shoes in the corner and the greasy utensils in the sink.
I mean, if this man is old enough to get his own bachelor pad then he is definitely old enough to take care of his cleaning. Expecting a woman he is dating to come and do it for him is akin to him justifying the fact that he is indeed the one who is lazy and incapable of picking up after himself.
If a man would visit my place then I do not expect him to do my cleaning and cooking for me. The same should be applied to a man whose girlfriend pays him a visit. Women are thoroughly turned on by a bachelor pad that is well kept. We will always give a man a 10/10 for having this spotless, fresh space that is well organized. It just goes on to prove to us that it is not always the woman’s duty to organize a man.
So if indeed this man decides to be untidy on purpose just to have his girlfriend do it for him because that’s her “duty” as a woman to prove to him how much of a wife material she is, then it turns out they eventually break up, would it have been of any sense at all for the cleaning she had to do each and every weekend?
If a woman chooses to tidy up her boyfriend’s place, then that’s her personal choice. Perhaps she has weighed her own pros and cons and has since ascertained that the pros outweigh the cons in doing it. However, I shall never be one to pat her on the back for taking up duties, that should have been reserved for later if the relationship eventually morphs into a lifetime one.
There’s a very thin line between gestures of love and transforming into a man’s washer woman. If at all this man’s intention of dating me was to offer me a housekeeping type of employment in addition to the whole package that comes with dating, then I would rather take the high road.
I’m not one who would visit a man and not lift a finger. My womanly nature would not allow me even, to ignore utensils that need washing after dinner. However, I’m equally not a woman who would spend the better part of her Saturday, covered in soap suds as I busily do a home makeover for a man who clearly has issues with being tidy.
That is not my duty to make him tidy. It is equally not my duty to prove to him how much of a good wife material I can make. Any man intending to get hitched to a particular woman in future, would have already seen all of her wifely qualities beforehand. This idea of “prove to me” is only but an excuse of being patriarchal.