On Children And When I’m Going To Have Mine

I find it quite frequent nowadays, that I encounter the question, “So do you have kids?”

Some are satisfied when I quickly reply that I don’t. Others find it rather unbelievable that I’m not a mother yet, as if I would deny my own child/children for that matter! Yet a small section thinks that I’m delaying by not having children. One went as far as calculating the age I’ll be when my kids will be in high school. His argument was that by my 50s, I should be done with educating children in high school and primary school levels.

I understand that when you get to your mid twenties, you are bound to have everyone on your neck trying to prod if you have that special someone in your life, has he hinted on marriage yet, are you feeling broody…and so on and so forth. I must count myself lucky, that no one from my immediate family, has taken it upon themselves to jolt me back to reality that “I’m growing old” and therefore, need to be settled or thinking about settling and actually start having kids of my own.

Quite recently, there was an article on one of the local newspapers concerning women, who had chosen not to have kids or something on those lines. Of course being an African nation, where we value children as the continuation of a generation, the article in question sparked a heated debate on one of the popular radio stations that I got to listen to. I heard men calling in and branding such kind of women as “selfish” and “out of touch with reality”  blah, blah, blah. According to the callers, who wouldn’t want to have kids? We were commanded in the Bible to multiply and fill the earth.

I’m not sure if any of the callers touched on women, who couldn’t conceive and therefore couldn’t enjoy the luxury of being called mothers, even though they may yearn to or they simply dismissed them, as people paying for their past misdeeds. I can’t tell because I didn’t listen to the whole debate. Plus I’m of the idea that, when it comes to personal choices concerning when to have kids then, who are we to judge another’s decision?

I must admit that I do get all cooey seeing babies on strollers and toddlers running about. It’s not like I’m completely closed off on the idea of having children. Children are such a blessing. Who wouldn’t tell really, from all the photos of cute faces being posted on social media by proud first time or second time or even third time parents, on a daily basis? It can get annoying at some point but many times, we can’t really help not noticing how much of a pleasant welcome and blessing these tots are to their mommas and pops.

So definitely, someday I would want to be a mom. I would want to experience the full package of mommyhood, labor pains, changing diapers, deprived sleep, terrible two tantrums, first day of school, buying school uniform, budgeting for my child’s pocket money and all. However, I’m not going to hurry up and have kids just because a couple of people believe that it’s their mandate to push young, unmarried women well into their mid twenties, into parenthood. As a matter of fact, I have no timeline in place. I only hope to give my children a solid family which of course contributes greatly to my “seemingly delay” in being a parent.

In the meantime, I shall pick one or two parenting tricks from my friends and family, who have preceded me in this aspect for future tests 😉




  1. Stand your ground… to have children or not, when to have children is a decision between your partner and you. And to all those who claim not having children is “selfish”, call it whatever you want. I’m proud to be child-free by choice!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Totally agree with you on the issue of whether to have kids or not. People should simply mind their own business when it comes to such matters after all, they won’t be the ones parenting those kids they are pushing you to have.


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