I once skimmed through one of Joyce Meyer’s books, The Confident Woman and I was literally surprised by her definition of a woman considered confident.
By all standards, I could not be described as confident at the time. I was struggling with friends, family, relationships… plus it was ever so hard for me, to stand up for myself, if I didn’t like something. It almost seemed like I had given everybody a free pass, to trample all over me while I was left there battling my negative emotions.
At that point in time, I was a very miserable person and it often times showed. People would avoid me because one thing or another was depressing me to the point where I failed to be good company. It was actually by miracle, that I stumbled upon this particular book and decided to go through it judging by the fact that, I’m not so big on motivational books.
Just the other day, I was reading a certain feature on the newspaper, where readers submit a pressing, personal issue and this expert on relationships, dishes out advice that is Christian based. One of the women who had written to him was obviously battling a bad on and off relationship yet, she clearly stated in her letter, that she knew the man in question loved her and she was scared that if she left him, she was never going to find another to love her the way he does.
A confident woman does not equate bad treatment to love, period! Hard to take I know, but the truth.
We hold on to people who do not deserve us because we are not entirely confident with our abilities. We tolerate friends who are obviously taking advantage of us by all means yet, we are still not entirely confident to stand up for ourselves and put an end to the drama. Confident people are not people pleasers. They are not mean, obnoxious people who irritate everyone around them with their negative energy. Rather, they are people who know what they want and are not fearful to state it.
When a woman suffers a bout of low confidence, it equally interferes with her esteem. Indeed many people, male or female, suffering from extremely low self esteem at the same time lack in confidence. Low confidence is the root of women tearing each other apart. Many times, women who are lacking in confidence feel highly intimidated by their counterparts, who seem to be quite confident with themselves.
When they see another being able to stand up for herself, climb the career ladder steadily due to her confidence levels, appear highly content and confident in her skin, their inadequacies go into over drive. They then subconsciously embark on a sabotage mission. Most women can attest to the fact that, those other females who appear confident and sure of themselves are mostly, the subjects of snide remarks behind their backs and nasty gossip.
There is no school that can teach one on how to be confident. We are actually our own teachers. Perhaps we can start by accepting ourselves the way we are, looks and all. Let’s put the words “UGLY”, “INCAPABLE” and “NOT DESERVING” out of our minds. Let’s stop thriving on comparison.
We of the female gender are highly guilty of comparing ourselves to others of the same gender. We cultivate low confidence levels and jealousy by constantly looking over the hedge, to see if the grass is greener. Indeed the grass almost always appears greener on the other side even when it is only an illusion.
Let’s stop listening to whatever opinions others have of our own abilities. They may equally be secretly battling low confidence and therefore, projecting their fearful view of life to us. If we constantly internalize what everyone says about us, then we are going to have a very long list of mostly “CAN’Ts” which greatly affects our confidence.
Confidence can be elusive. It is fragile. We need to guard it.
By guarding our confidence levels, we do not have to develop a defensive attitude toward what others are saying. Other people will always have an opinion of sorts. Some will genuinely give it while others will give it maliciously. We need to learn to sift between genuine opinions and opinions intended to shred us off the little confidence we have gathered.
Women need confidence in their relationships with the opposite sex. It beats my logic why we are ever so fearful of breaking off a relationship that is obviously doing us more harm than good. Are we really aware of what we deserve from men? What is our definition of love? If this is not a marital union, then why are we sticking around when we are being cheated on, beaten, disrespected and controlled?
A confident woman will not stay in a relationship that brings the worst out of her. A relationship that makes her miserable and unsure of herself and her future. A confident woman is not scared to be single. If you are looking for security from the opposite sex, then the mere thought of being single will scare the shit out of you. Sadly, a huge number of women seek security from the opposite sex and it is not entirely their fault.
They may have suffered an absentee dad in their lives, sexual abuse from those who were supposed to genuinely love and protect them, divorced parents, domestic violence or were orphaned young. We do grow up and become adults capable of taking care of ourselves but some of the deeply inflicted scars in our lives do not completely heal. If as a woman you find yourself constantly clinging onto bad treatment and lacking the confidence to walk away from it all, then you need to really ask yourself some hard questions. You need to revisit your past and try to work on it, in order to make sense of the present.
Confidence does not come overnight. If I were to state that I’m fully confident at the moment then it would be a white lie. I still have those moments where I tolerate something I shouldn’t, where I agree to someone’s opinion while knowing very well that whatever is being preached is not something I conform to…heck! I’m still female and being confident every day, week and month is not our thing. However, with constant positivity and practice, I know that confidence can be achieved.
So, are you a confident woman??