Month: October 2015

The Major Qualities Every Woman Should Look For In a Man When Getting Into a Relationship

I get all kinds of advice when it comes to love and dating. Everyone has their own perspective of how love should be, when you should get your first born, what age bracket is ideal for a successful relationship…blah, blah, blah. As a matter of fact, I happened to get advice on similar lines as early as this morning. According to one, I should hurry up and get my first born irregardless of whether I’m ready for it financially or not. And she was very specific that before I get to 30, I should ask God for two things; A hubby and a baby. Her conclusion was, the way older the guy is, the way better.

The other thought that was bullcrap and I should get my first born when I feel ready for it financially. She also added that it was embarrassing for a young woman dating a much older guy. I silently agreed with the second one’s perspective. Babies are not things you pop out without thinking of how their future well being will be. It’s one tragedy encountering a deadbeat dad and a whole lot of more tragedy being unable to provide for your baby, because you got pregnant in a bid to beat the 30 year old mark.

Anyways, when we are still in our late teens and early twenties, we are forgiven to overlook some qualities in men we desire to get into relationships with. As long as he’s quite good looking, treats you out frequently on fancy dates, can organize an epic road trip all on his pocket budget, gives you the butterflies…well, for the sake of showing off to our girlfriends, we are good. But as we grow older past the mid twenties mark, I have come to realize that our perspectives on love and dating drastically change. Now it’s not all about putting up a front for our peers but the kind of treatment, this man gives you matters a hell of a lot more, than when you were still club hopping at 21.

So what are these qualities we start looking for in a man we desire to get exclusive with?

Caring

We want this man to care for us. Not only when he knows he’s going to get ‘some’ at a certain point in the near future. We want him to really care for us. To find out about our well being, to check on us when we are not at our best, to offer us support, practical advice, a hand when we are moving houses…the list is endless. And as much as we want to be cared for, we also want to be given reason to care for that other person.

Gone are the days where you cared too much for a man who actually had no time for you. Who wouldn’t bother to find out how your day was, whether it bothered you if he flirted with other chics in your presence or not or if you worried that most of your calls on his cellphone went unanswered or not.

We want to feel like we are cherished enough by this man to easily reciprocate the same.

Understanding

We want a man who will not find trouble understanding us. Women are complicated creatures, I do not dispute that. However, when men increasingly use that line as a justification for not being understanding of us, it gets a little too old and tired. We are not asking for 100% kind of understanding. We are simply asking for about 60% understanding. The rest of the 40%, we are big girls, so we’ll sort ourselves out.

We do not desire a man who constantly misunderstands us and uses phrases such as “you are just overreacting” or “is it that time of the month?”. As a matter of fact, these are phrases that most women will most certainly agree with me irritate them to the core. We are not promising to be easy to decipher, but we would appreciate it if at least you had the decency not to use such kinds of phrases, but instead found out why we are acting the way we are.

Please do not misinterpret me. I’m not talking about the frequent drama-queen like tantrums some of us are guilty of throwing at times. There are just those days when you men can’t seem to figure us out and no matter how hard it may be for you, that is when we need your understanding the most. It makes it much easier for us to snap out of it.

Meaningful sex

No woman likes the feeling of being used after a night of passion. Certainly no woman likes a situation where a man was only after that one thing and then he vanishes. We want to feel like the relationship is much more than just sex. Yes, sex is one of the major ingredients too but we do not want to feel like the only reason why a man stays with us, is because we do ‘out of the world’ things to him in the bedroom.

No wonder, men who have tried being so sexually straightforward with women when hitting on them, will most of the time fall flat on their faces. We are not content with only the tags “seductress” and “tigress”. We like feeling like we are taken more seriously apart from our “gymnastic skills”. This is mostly due to the fact that we connect emotionally with a man during sexual activity.

Since we have come to realize with time that for men it is a little different, we have accepted that fact and now know that for a man to still stick by you after sex, he must truly care for you. Those are the particular men we want in our lives.

Loyalty

We are well aware by now that men are visual creatures but we also equally have the knowledge that they are equipped with self control. We want a man we can trust that he will be faithful to us. We hate the sick feeling we get whenever we suspect someone we are currently dating of cheating. We do not fancy fighting with fellow women over a man. We did in the past, but suddenly realized how stupid we looked tearing each other’s clothes over a man who was playing us both.

We want to date with dignity. We do not want that dignity destroyed to the point where we have no shame going through your phone on an investigative mission. We are very much at peace when we know the one we are dating is as true to us as we are true to him.

Feminist Ramblings

I have been missing in action for the past one month.

Not by choice but by unavoidable circumstances.

During my absence from the blogging scene, I couldn’t quite resist the urge to take a peek on whatever activity was taking place on my blog in particular, whenever I could sneak in a chance. Things seemed relatively quiet. People were still stumbling on my blog and reading previous posts. The stats were OK. But of course there was bound to be that one person, who would want to express his or her feelings concerning something I had posted in the past in a not so flattering,  demeaning way.

Good news is, I don’t really pay much attention to someone of the idea that feminists are stupid creatures, who have no mandate whatsoever to be existing in this world. Trust me, I can tell constructive criticism from nonconstructive criticism from miles away. And yeah, this is a bit of a feminist ramble and with good reason. Today I want to talk of some things that don’t quite concern feminism per se but the society in general.

If anyone who is in a position to do something about these issues happens to stumble upon this particular post of mine, kindly know that this is more of an appeal coming out as a ramble.

If you have been keeping up with the news off late, you probably know by now that one Alex Madaga passed away on Friday afternoon. After an unfortunate hit and run accident along Waiyaki Way, Alex had to spend 18 hrs in an ambulance due to inadequate beds at the ICU wing of the KNH (Kenyatta National Hospital). I believe that had we thought in the past as a country of investing in adequate health facilities, Alex’s life would have been saved. It is disheartening enough to learn that certain private hospitals turned him away, because his family could not afford at least 200,000 Kshs cash payment in order to receive medical attention.

Since when did we turn into such money minded individuals, who can easily place money matters ahead of someone’s life? Well, we may never have an adequate answer for that and since I steer clear from pointing fingers sometimes, I leave the judgment to you, my readers.

Yet another unfortunate incident happened just this past week and hit closer home to me. I lost a former campus mate and classmate due to the madness that is the trademark of the matatu industry.

Cecilia Njeri Gicheha- Photo courtesy of nairobinews.nation.co.ke

My former campus mate Cecilia Njeri Gicheha- Photo courtesy of nairobinews.nation.co.ke

If you reside in Nairobi, you might already be aware that the CBD gradually transformed into a bus station and market place of sorts. Don’t get me wrong, I find it highly convenient getting buses plying my route from certain vantage points within the CBD. I mean we all lead highly hectic lives and sometimes having to walk to Muthurwa or the bus station to get a matatu can only mean an additional unnecessary hustle. And while I will forever be grateful for the reduced hustle, my only concern is why the touts and drivers choose to act savagely while parking and driving these matatus. Who said that for you to be a successful matatu driver or tout, you had to be highly reckless, obnoxious and unconcerned about the lives of the pedestrians, passengers and people on the street??

Fondly known as Bianca, Cecilia had her life cut short at only 23 when two buses squashed her as I believe she was walking across. The drivers, were jostling for a small place to park their buses in order to pick commuters. Well, as a witness to how chaotic these matatus drive into town and how recklessly they are driven on the roads, my only appeal is for a little more order within the CBD and much more order in the matatu industry as a whole. We may tend to ignore certain issues affecting us directly or indirectly, in the hope that all will be well when in the real sense it will only worsen.

According to my knowledge, Cecilia is not the first person to be killed by two vehicles that were parked in close proximity to each other and the drivers suddenly decided to reverse and move forward in succession. Alex is not the first person to die due to inadequate health facilities in our public hospitals. How many more people are we going to lose before we can finally decide that enough is enough and do something about it??