Demystifying The “Bitter Woman”

I once came across this meme that someone had posted on Social Media;

Stop Taking Relationship Advice From Bitter Women

Well, I was naturally curious to see the comments so I scrolled down. Outrageously, several women had liked and equally commented agreeing with the whole idea. There were comments from women like “Yeah, these women are bitter that’s why they give these kinds of relationship advice”, ” Yes! Tell them” blah, blah, blah kind of crap.

It is not uncommon for women to sometimes tear each other apart so despite my slight outrage, I knew this was kind of expected.

But then I chose to look at it this way; There are women who have been so lucky, blessed even, to meet and date wonderful men who pampered them, respected them, protected them and married them. Such women have fortunately been spared the games that a section of men play in the dating world. Some of them do not even know the pain of being cheated on. Well, I have nothing against these particular category of women. In fact, they are my inspiration.

However, there are quite a number of women who have been unfortunate enough to date every Tom, Dick and Harry who came in tow with a bagful of lies and tricks. Some of these women happen to be bloggers or writers, let’s say. And they decided to share their experiences with their readers. I must admit that some of their posts may come out a little too blunt or direct or sarcastic. I do not blame them.

All those ‘no good men’ they have encountered in their dating lives have taught them quite a number of lessons. Sorry to say this, but these women are way savvier in relationship matters, than the former category I have spoken about because they have not only tasted the good, but the ugly too. They are better versed at giving practical relationship advice to other women in similar predicaments.

Does that make them bitter because they seem to be settling scores with men? To many, yes! And so we brand them “bitter women”.

1a4ad0ceded1c18e7803b67ebe1f7bc0Apparently, I ought to cower in shame for identifying as a Feminist. Why?

Because over time, Feminists have been branded bitter women, who have failed at love and marriage and therefore, are out to spew their toxins to other sober minded women in successful marriages and relationships. They may be successful in their careers as a result of their confidence and assertiveness but deep down, they are crying torrents as they mourn their f***d up love lives and messy divorces, from husbands who wouldn’t put up with their shenanigans. They are women who ought to be avoided at all costs.

Let us try and understand Feminism.

Who is truly a Feminist?

Is she the woman who protests down the street, with female underwear against some sort of injustice committed by the government, that has no relation whatsoever to multicolored undergarments? Is she the woman who dresses skimpily and hangs onto a bus while enacting some form of sexual activity, all in the name of preaching that women should be allowed to dress the way they want to? Is she the woman who kills her own infant son because she claims that she is a feminist therefore desired a girl for a child and not a boy?

Indeed, there are acts which have been committed by self proclaimed feminists, that have actually led society to brand them “bitter, disgraceful women” who do not give a hoot about what others will say or do about them. However, we know for a fact that acts of feminism in the past, have changed some of the deeply rooted oppressive mentalities toward women.

A true feminist;

  • Speaks up against sexual violation of women
  • Asserts for the right of a woman to vote in an election and to actually own a driver’s license
  • Emphasizes on the need to educate girls in the society
  • Will not take oppression in marriage coated with claims of “submission” to the husband
  • Pushes for gender equality in the workplace and country
  • Speaks up against detrimental practices to the girl child such as FGM
  • Opposes early marriages of the girl child to older men
  • Has strong views on matters relationships, marriage and career development
  • Cannot stand to hear the opposite sex trashing the woman
  • Knows the rights of women and their contribution to society
  • Will clearly state her desire not to participate in tradition, that does not favor the woman and may put her at risk of even getting infected with HIV…

And the list is endless.

So for all those branding feminists as bitter women, are you indeed justified in doing so?

For all those branding women who have had their fair share of troubles in dating and marriage as bitter women, are you indeed justified in doing so?

Before you embark on finger pointing and stereotyping of a fellow woman, take a minute and ask yourself what you would have done had you faced a similar situation?
Nobody chooses to be bitter. Everybody reacts to situations differently. Women ought to uplift one another so much that in the process, the bitterness of one is dissolved. Men on the other hand need to spare a thought for the woman. Branding never helped anyone.


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