Month: August 2015

Dearest Immaculee

www.cbeinternational.org

             http://www.cbeinternational.org

Every year, Rwanda commemorates the Rwandan Genocide. One such person who equally does the same is a courageous African woman, Immaculee Ilibagiza. I know that her first name is supposed to have an accent on top of one of the ‘e’s, but I couldn’t for the life of me, manage to get the correct French version of her name from the computer I was using to type this. So kindly bear with me.

Anyways, I first encountered the name Immaculee Ilibagiza while poring over the Internet as is my habit. For some reason, I was interested in finding out a little bit more about the Rwandan genocide, where an estimated 800,000 Tutsis lost their lives at the hands of the Hutu Interahamwe(militia). Having shared a class in campus with quite a number of Rwandese students, I know for a fact that these people chose to rise up from the ashes and therefore do not, at any time, identify with tribe.

Probably something that we Kenyans need to seriously emulate.

The issue of having someone you have just met identify himself/herself by the tribe he/she comes from, needs to seriously go. And I say this with a lot of passion since judging from my quite unique second name, Likiza, I have encountered numerous people in the past who kept on insisting that I tell them from which tribe that name belonged. Well, for the still curious ones, it is a Swahili name. And if you check on the back pages of the Kamusi (Swahili dictionary), you are sure to find it, same way I did.

And so as I stumbled upon real life stories of survivors of the Rwandan genocide, I got acquainted with Immaculee. For a while, I seemed to have forgotten about her until quite recently, when I happened to watch her for a brief second on TV being interviewed by TV Anchor, Victoria Rubadiri. I then knew that I had to do a post about her.

Born in 1972, Immaculee Ilibagiza was in college and home for the holidays, when the killings began. Her father, a devout catholic, asked her to run to a pastor’s house, a distance away and beg him to hide her. The pastor was a Hutu but a friend of the family and by the grace of God, he accepted to hide Immaculee together with 6 other women in a tiny bathroom, that was rarely used in a hidden part of his house. About 3 feet by 4 feet in size. For 91 days, Immaculee together with her female companions stayed hidden in the bathroom while taking turns in stretching and standing.

When it became too cramped, they moved to a larger room but it was a highly unsafe move since the Interahamwe hunted day and night for Tutsis to butcher to death. Immaculee, sadly, lost most of her family in the genocide: both of her parents and 2 brothers. Only she and a brother who had been away studying in Senegal at the time while oblivious to the going ons in Rwanda survived.

Immaculee therefore credits her survival of the genocide, to prayer and a set of rosary beads gifted to her by her father prior to going into hiding at the pastor’s house. During that whole period she hid, cramped in the tiny bathroom, she spent most of her time praying the rosary fervently.

After the ordeal, Immaculee got once more lucky and landed a job with the UN. In 1998, she immigrated to the US. Friends and co-workers would later urge her to transform her story into a manuscript. This led to the publishing of her first book in March 2006, Left to tell; Discovering God amidst the Rwandan Holocaust.

It should be noted that Immaculee chose to forgive the perpetrators of the Rwandan genocide who equally killed most of her family members. Indeed a highly courageous thing to do. She has since continued to preach forgiveness, peace as well as the power of praying the rosary. As a result of her humanitarian efforts, Immaculee has won numerous accolades.

Having not been on the ground to experience the genocide, I can’t quite say that I totally understand the magnitude of it. I can only try my level best to empathize with what the survivors of the horror went through from their stories. Am however deeply awed by the courage of this woman Immaculee. To be able to have such a profound faith in God in times of deep trouble one can only imagine, is indeed something that deserves to be admired.

Her story speaks out to all the survivors, male/female, of whatever wars they have had to encounter and experience in their respective nations. That when it seems like everybody around you has lost that humane part, there is still that one person that you can put your faith and trust in. And that person is God. Her story equally shows us that not all the Hutus participated in the massacre of the Tutsis. There were still those Hutus that you could depend on.

It shows us that we do not have to turn our backs on a neighbor and friend in need, just because of political tensions in our country, which dictate that certain tribes are our enemies and others our friends.

If I were to go on and on about all the inspirations and wake up calls we get from this particular woman’s story, I would probably stretch this post more further than intended. And so to cut this short, I believe that Immaculee is a perfect example of an overcomer of war and adversity, who did not use the usual weapons to kill and maim, but rather the powerful unseen weapon of forgiveness and faith.

 

Sources: http://www.cbsnews.com/rwandan-genocide-survivor-recalls-horror

http://www.immaculee.com/about/story.php

This Woman, Winnie

www.bu.edu

                                         http://www.bu.edu

I decided to pay a little more attention today to one particular phenomenal African woman, Winnie Madikizela Mandela.I’m not from her generation nor her country, but through the stories I have heard and read about the struggle against apartheid in South Africa, I know for sure that she played a huge role in it and suffered greatly, as a result of her political involvement and activities at that time.

She was not an entirely perfect woman. As a matter of fact, some of her flaws and legal battles long after the dark period of apartheid have been documented and talked about. However, I would like to look at her from the angle of Winnie being the mother of two daughters and a wife of a man who had initially been jailed for life.

Born in 1936 to educated parents, Winnie eventually ended up being the first black professional social welfare worker. She turned down a scholarship to further her studies after attaining a degree in Social work in the US, so that she could serve the needy people. In the process, she devoted her energy and skill to the struggle for equality and justice for all the people in South Africa. Indeed, a feminist in the making amidst turbulent times.

After marrying Nelson Mandela in 1958, Winnie suffered harassment, imprisonment and periodic banishment for her continuing involvement in that struggle. In 1964 when her daughters were about 5 and 4 respectively, her husband, Nelson Mandela was tried and imprisoned for life. Of course leaving Winnie behind to fend for her children single handedly. However, the harassment by the South African government of the time ceased not and Winnie, was eventually forced to send her two daughters to boarding school in Swaziland in order to protect them.

It is indeed a rough, murky world for women who have had to endure their husbands being detained or jailed for political reasons. Many have equally had to suffer castigation from society and abandonment from people they once considered friends. The harsh reality soon dawns on them that together with their husbands, they are now considered enemies of the state. And to avoid a similar occurrence happening to them, other people will refrain from being too friendly or helpful of such women. This was no different for Winnie Mandela.

Here you are, a young wife and mother of two small children, who suddenly has to contend with being considered an enemy of the state, just because you and your husband are involved in the struggle against obvious injustices to human kind. Whose only desire is for equality for all and to feel like you actually belong in this land that you were born in. I can only imagine how turbulent those times were for Winnie. Yet her courage is immeasurable.

For 17 months at some point, Winnie was put in solitary confinement as a harsh punishment for her activities. Yet her spirit was not broken. She just had to send her children away. A huge sacrifice for a mother to make for the sake of her children no matter how painful. Many times, Winnie had often wondered if she would ever see her children again, whenever she was forcefully torn away from them. It was even worse that she was denied physical contact with her incarcerated husband.

When I look at Winnie, I see determination and a will power to overcome like no other. The kind of emotional turmoil she went through when her husband was jailed for life and subsequently when she kept on being picked up by the police. Many in her position at the time, would have given up the political activities that kept them constantly in trouble with the authorities. Most women in such a situation would have chosen to raise their children quietly, as they wondered what life held for them, now that they had been rendered single mothers by the unfair arm of the law.

Yet Winnie decided to make sacrifices that were too difficult for any woman with children to make. She carried on with her quest for equality and justice. She ensured that the name Nelson Mandela was never forgotten. My own parents once commented that they always knew someone called Nelson Mandela existed but they did not know how he looked like in person. So it was quite exciting for them to watch him on TV for the first time, walk out of the prison gates, hand in hand with his wife.

Mind you, both of my parents are Kenyans. So you can imagine how much zeal Winnie had in ensuring that her husband’s cause and name were not forgotten, despite not knowing if he will ever walk out of the jail gates a free man or not. Indeed her strengths as a woman surpass her known  weaknesses greatly. It would be unfair to judge her by her weaknesses while keeping in mind what she had endured during the struggle against apartheid including a finalized divorce in 1996.

As women, we can learn a lot from Winnie. It doesn’t have to necessarily mean being involved in political activities that put our lives and those of our children at risk. It simply means that there is much more to life as a woman than our looks and charm. It means that with determination and immeasurable courage despite what we might be facing in our personal lives, we can overcome many obstacles. It means that with zeal and a belief for better days, we can eventually achieve our dreams and goals. It means that if we are in a position to fight for justice and equality, then we should stand courageously and do so no matter what people will say.

And so on this day, all the way from Kenya, I salute you, Winnie Madikizela Mandela! You taught us women how to be real women.

 

Reference: biography.yourdictionary.com/winnie-mandela

Why Having Friends Of The Opposite Sex Is Healthy

There is a myth out there that a man and woman cannot just be platonic friends. That sooner or later one is going to start developing feelings for the other or they may end up between the sheets, often times with disastrous results.

I will tell you why the latter outcome occurs. When you start messing up friendship with sex, then complications are bound to arise. And it is for this reason why I firmly believe that, a non-sexual friendship with the opposite sex can occur and is actually healthy.

For a single woman not looking to get into a relationship any time soon, you need guy friends.

In fact, a couple of guy friends.

There comes a time in everyone’s life (who is not hitched for that matter) when you just don’t fancy being in  a relationship with someone. It doesn’t mean that you have failed at love or can’t keep a man in your life. It simply means that you are not in the right frame of mind, to nurture a serious relationship which in the real sense is actually normal.

Perhaps there are things you want to achieve or you simply need a break to know yourself. And this is why platonic friends of the opposite sex are important during this phase;

There is no pressure to impress

With guy friends, you don’t need to impress. You are simply you with all your imperfections and perfections. Nobody is going to judge you since there are no feelings involved. For single women with guy best friends, they probably know just how refreshing it is to have someone in your life, whom you don’t have to adopt something that’s not you when around them.

People say that a healthy relationship is when your boyfriend can be able to see the real you and you are not putting up a facade for them. However, especially in the early stages of dating, this is a little bit difficult to achieve. We always seem to have this inherent need to impress. Put on our best show so that we can endear that other person to us.

There is a reason why relationship experts advice people to start a romantic relationship with friendship first. Because then, there is no pressure to put up an act only for your true colors to show later. Doesn’t mean that every platonic friendship you forge with someone of the opposite sex should eventually lead to a romantic relationship. You can just enjoy being you for as long as it lasts knowing that the other person appreciates who you truly are.

You don’t spend much time discussing your love life with guy friends.

This is actually a good thing as it takes your mind off the fact that you are currently single. Sometimes women friends have a tendency to talk about their love lives and actually brood about them. It doesn’t help matters if you are single yet all your girl friends seem to be in solid, loving relationships with the men in their lives and can’t seem to stop themselves from bragging about it.

Be assured that with a guy friend you will not encounter questions such as “whom are you currently seeing?” or “have you met someone yet?”

I find that I can spend hours talking about a whole bunch of different topics with my guy friends other than my love life. Most of them do not even seem to care whether, I have finally found the one or is currently searching unsuccessfully or is almost giving up on love for that matter.

Guy friends have your back

Doesn’t mean that girl friends don’t. I just think that the “having your back” thing with guy friends is more solid than with girl friends. Let’s face it, women can be unpredictable. We deal with a whole lot of new things on a daily basis. Sometimes we are not at our level best to have a fellow girl friend’s back fully.

I find that men can handle the unpredictability of  life’s challenges a little better than women. It is not very common to hear of a guy friend backstabbing his chic friend. Guy friends are equally very efficient at carrying out favors. Obviously, women should not take advantage of that aspect and therefore turn into conniving little users. As a matter of fact, they should equally reciprocate the non-sexual favors.

And yes…

With a guy friend, love can eventually happen

I know so many women want to hear this.

I don’t dispute this fact either.

However, I don’t encourage this to be the only goal in forging a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It so happens that the other person might not be able to reciprocate your feelings. If you are mature enough to accept that and move on, the friendship remains solid. If not, then you risk losing a good friend.

 

And despite having that awesome guy friend in your life, boundaries equally need to be there. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where sex happens with someone you have just been platonic friends with.

They don’t have to be spoken boundaries. Simply unspoken ones where either person knows how far he or she can go with the other. Your friendship shouldn’t be threatened by the fact that one of you has started seeing someone.If that indeed happens, then the other person should be understanding and accommodative of the changed situation.

Being single is a time to discover other aspects about yourself that you initially had no idea existed. It is not a time to mourn the fact that you have no man in your life. It is a preparation for the next romantic relationship you are going to be in.

Demystifying The “Bitter Woman”

I once came across this meme that someone had posted on Social Media;

Stop Taking Relationship Advice From Bitter Women

Well, I was naturally curious to see the comments so I scrolled down. Outrageously, several women had liked and equally commented agreeing with the whole idea. There were comments from women like “Yeah, these women are bitter that’s why they give these kinds of relationship advice”, ” Yes! Tell them” blah, blah, blah kind of crap.

It is not uncommon for women to sometimes tear each other apart so despite my slight outrage, I knew this was kind of expected.

But then I chose to look at it this way; There are women who have been so lucky, blessed even, to meet and date wonderful men who pampered them, respected them, protected them and married them. Such women have fortunately been spared the games that a section of men play in the dating world. Some of them do not even know the pain of being cheated on. Well, I have nothing against these particular category of women. In fact, they are my inspiration.

However, there are quite a number of women who have been unfortunate enough to date every Tom, Dick and Harry who came in tow with a bagful of lies and tricks. Some of these women happen to be bloggers or writers, let’s say. And they decided to share their experiences with their readers. I must admit that some of their posts may come out a little too blunt or direct or sarcastic. I do not blame them.

All those ‘no good men’ they have encountered in their dating lives have taught them quite a number of lessons. Sorry to say this, but these women are way savvier in relationship matters, than the former category I have spoken about because they have not only tasted the good, but the ugly too. They are better versed at giving practical relationship advice to other women in similar predicaments.

Does that make them bitter because they seem to be settling scores with men? To many, yes! And so we brand them “bitter women”.

1a4ad0ceded1c18e7803b67ebe1f7bc0Apparently, I ought to cower in shame for identifying as a Feminist. Why?

Because over time, Feminists have been branded bitter women, who have failed at love and marriage and therefore, are out to spew their toxins to other sober minded women in successful marriages and relationships. They may be successful in their careers as a result of their confidence and assertiveness but deep down, they are crying torrents as they mourn their f***d up love lives and messy divorces, from husbands who wouldn’t put up with their shenanigans. They are women who ought to be avoided at all costs.

Let us try and understand Feminism.

Who is truly a Feminist?

Is she the woman who protests down the street, with female underwear against some sort of injustice committed by the government, that has no relation whatsoever to multicolored undergarments? Is she the woman who dresses skimpily and hangs onto a bus while enacting some form of sexual activity, all in the name of preaching that women should be allowed to dress the way they want to? Is she the woman who kills her own infant son because she claims that she is a feminist therefore desired a girl for a child and not a boy?

Indeed, there are acts which have been committed by self proclaimed feminists, that have actually led society to brand them “bitter, disgraceful women” who do not give a hoot about what others will say or do about them. However, we know for a fact that acts of feminism in the past, have changed some of the deeply rooted oppressive mentalities toward women.

A true feminist;

  • Speaks up against sexual violation of women
  • Asserts for the right of a woman to vote in an election and to actually own a driver’s license
  • Emphasizes on the need to educate girls in the society
  • Will not take oppression in marriage coated with claims of “submission” to the husband
  • Pushes for gender equality in the workplace and country
  • Speaks up against detrimental practices to the girl child such as FGM
  • Opposes early marriages of the girl child to older men
  • Has strong views on matters relationships, marriage and career development
  • Cannot stand to hear the opposite sex trashing the woman
  • Knows the rights of women and their contribution to society
  • Will clearly state her desire not to participate in tradition, that does not favor the woman and may put her at risk of even getting infected with HIV…

And the list is endless.

So for all those branding feminists as bitter women, are you indeed justified in doing so?

For all those branding women who have had their fair share of troubles in dating and marriage as bitter women, are you indeed justified in doing so?

Before you embark on finger pointing and stereotyping of a fellow woman, take a minute and ask yourself what you would have done had you faced a similar situation?
Nobody chooses to be bitter. Everybody reacts to situations differently. Women ought to uplift one another so much that in the process, the bitterness of one is dissolved. Men on the other hand need to spare a thought for the woman. Branding never helped anyone.

8 Signs He’s Only After The Cookie.

There was a #Mollis audio doing the rounds on the Internet a couple of days back. And while I consider myself a feminist, I chose to really refrain from giving my two cents worth. Quite a number of people concluded that the lady, who was obviously in discomfort (oh, for my foreign readers, the clip was a recording of two individuals having sex but it was obvious that the lady was not enjoying any bit of the deed) was being raped. Yet a number thought that the whole audio was funny and a section of Kenyans took to Twitter with memes and “hilarious” tweets.

Notice that I put hilarious in quotes, as I have never quite understood why sex has since been made so public, to the extent where such recordings of people doing it surface on the Internet. According to me it is totally wrong. Sex is supposed to be intimate and personal.

Anyways, the other reason why I put hilarious in quotes is because some guys found the woman’s accent interesting. It should be noted that Mollis is actually Morris in the real sense. And throughout the duration of the audio, the woman is pleading with Mollis* to stop the sex. Of course Mollis* doesn’t bother to pay any attention to her and carries on. Actually after listening to a download of the audio, I immediately deleted it afterward as I found it in bad taste.

I also do not want to jump to conclusions. We do not for a fact know what was the initial agreement between these two. We are not even sure who recorded it in the first place. This doesn’t mean that I’m taking sides with anyone, just to make things clear. This equally doesn’t mean that I blame the woman, far from it.

I however felt that I should do a post on the 8 signs that a man is only after The Cookie, more like a reminder to fellow women out there on what signs to look out for. This is a topic that has been talked about over and over again, so forgive the bore of a repeat.

1. He Says It.

Men are simple creatures. They do not beat about the bush. They do not play any mind games. They are that uncomplicated. So if a man you barely know that well starts talking about getting into your pants, flee dear sister, if indeed that is not what you have bargained for.

I have encountered men who straight up told me things like “I don’t trust myself with you around”, “come let’s hang out and more”, “I’m diplomatic so I’ll be honest with you that your jeans will come off”… etc, etc, etc. What more evidence do you need that this man is only interested in what is between your legs and nothing else?

2. Sex topics are his specialty.

Another obvious sign.

It doesn’t matter how old the guy is, if all of your conversations so soon into knowing each other revolve around sex, then he is hinting that he is very interested in getting under the sheets with you. Most women will agree with me, that they find this particular kind of phenomenon, quite disgusting and may even tell off the guy for it.

However, for those who entertain it thinking it is a harmless kind of flirting, be very warned that you might be fanning a fire you might not be able to put out. The minute you keep entertaining sex topics with a man, then you are showing him that you are open to the idea of having sex with him. And no strings attached sex for that matter. In essence, he is just testing your boundaries with the same topic over and over again.

3. He is not interested in serious conversation.

This usually happens after the onset of the conversations always bordering on sex. You may try to switch the topic sometimes and probably ask about his likes, job, day or family, but if you are quite keen, you will notice a sudden boredom on his part, immediately followed by a quick rotation back to the usual sexual innuendos.

You may have noticed that this man is never interested in knowing other aspects of your life except what you are wearing to bed and if you are thinking of him sexually. It is that simple. A man who wants to date you will be highly interested in all the aspects of your life and not only your sexuality. Men are not all about sex as society sometimes make them seem to be. So if he’s all about that, then that’s all he’s interested in, ‘nuf said.

4. He invites you to his house very early on.

If this man is not your friend, why is he insisting on you coming over to his place so soon?

Men are not entirely clueless in the world of dating. They know that a woman they have started seeing, may not be that comfortable coming to his house very early on. They know that women do not want to give up the cookie too soon and be branded cheap in the process. They know that women strive to earn the respect of a man in a blossoming relationship.

So if he’s ignoring all that and inviting you over for a “home-cooked lunch”, do not be tempted dear sister, to gush at his gentlemanliness. Rather ask yourself what happens next after the sumptuous lunch he prepares for you. Remember that you will be in his territory too soon and it may work against you if at all anything goes wrong.

5. He takes you to a club on the first date.

There is a breed of men who will get a woman really drunk then proceed to have sex with her in her intoxicated state. Unless this man is a buddy you have known for a while and have no interest of ever being exclusive with, do not agree to a first date in a club.

First of all, this should be a clear sign that he is not interested in knowing you and what you are all about, with all that booming noise in such an environment. Second of all, a first date should have been in a quieter place, where he would have asked if you are into clubbing or not.

Indeed, many women end up dumbfounded when a night out in a club, with a man they have just met, turns into a push-pull kind of scenario afterward, with the man demanding for sex and the woman not up to it. It is not rocket science ladies, this man initially cared not, what impression he gave you. He only had hopes of getting some as the night progressed. You only have yourself to blame for turning up all dolled up for some ass wiggling.

6. None of his friends nor family knows you.

You are simply a booty call of his or an FWB if he has never introduced you to any of his friends or family members yet, the whole duration you have been seeing him. He doesn’t consider you worthy to be in his close circle. You are simply a convenience for certain periods.

A man who is in love with you would want to show you off to all of his friends and some of his family members. It doesn’t have to be so soon into the relationship but within a month’s duration, you would have obviously met his best buddy, a close bro of his or a sister he really cares about. You will not have to beg him to tag you in pictures on social media nor change his relationship status, if you would like that too.

In short, your relationship wouldn’t seem like such a huge mystery even to you.

7. He disrespects you.

Have you ever been with someone you felt did not at all respect you and especially after getting intimate?

He may ignore your calls or texts, keep talking about his sexual encounters with other ladies, act arrogantly and not give a hoot how you felt. Worst case scenario, those men who totally disappear from the face of the earth after a night of passion with you.

Forgive yourself sister and move on. He was only after the cookie.

8. His friends may try to hit on you too.

If you are lucky enough to get acquainted with this particular man’s friends, you will notice a heightened interest in you from them too. Almost like they are also trying to get the same experience their friend got.

In such a case, he has already shared with his friends that you two got intimate or are intimate, it was probably a bet between them of who will bed you first or he has no further use for you and therefore, his friends are free to try their luck. Such men hang out with friends who are also familiar with their shenanigans and as outrageous as it seems, they do not mind sharing the same girl.

In the end, you will get thoroughly hurt if you are unfortunate enough to rotate in their circle of madness and lack of respect for women.

Why I Think Njoki Chege’s Article On Interracial Dating Gone Wrong Is On Point

nairobinews.co.ke/city-girl-woman-never-ever-date-a-mzungu-if-youre-…

I’m posting in reference to the above article, by controversial Saturday Nation, City Girl Columnist, Njoki Chege that appeared today on the paper. And while I may not necessarily agree with all the articles that this young woman writes, I can’t help but mention that her brashness sometimes makes a lot of sense.

I even went ahead to comment on the status update last night on Facebook, concerning the said article and so far, the feedback I have gotten just from that simple comment of mine is very positive. It actually formed the inspiration behind this post.

A section of readers have chosen to bash Njoki for this article with some going as far as branding her a racist. Nowadays, I have come to realize that the word racist is being thrown around carelessly. Quite recently, I got branded a racist for claiming that someone else was. This person of interest had decided to attack a particular nationality and judging by his previous displays of sheer arrogance and ignorance toward other races, I was led to conclude that he is probably a racist.

My point was that he had to think first before making certain statements as they are surely going to ruffle some feathers. And suddenly someone called me a racist. Of course that didn’t bother me as such because I knew what had motivated me to state that. It is not a word I use on a daily basis considering that I come from a predominantly African population.

Moving on…

White men in recent times are increasingly taking advantage of desperate Kenyan women who get into relationships with them. About a year back, there was a case of a Kenyan University student who had been cohabiting with an older White man without the knowledge of her family, dying in the house. Apparently, her foreign boyfriend had locked her indoors denying her access to her insulin (she was diabetic) if my memory serves me right.

The end result, a young life snuffed out so senselessly.

Njoki Chege on the other hand spoke of yet another young Kenyan woman, whose sexual violation by a White man she got romantically involved with, got filmed and the clip has been doing the rounds on the Kenyan social media scene. About a month back, as I was walking down the streets of Nakuru, I saw a woman of nearly my mother’s age, being groped shamelessly by a White man I assumed was her boyfriend. It was a disgusting sight seeing that in African society we don’t really engage in PDA.

You see, the issue is not with the White men with ill intentions who get into relationships with Kenyan women. The issue lies with us Kenyan women who decide to take our golddigging habits a notch higher by nabbing these wazungus we assume are rich. The issue lies with our refusal to respect ourselves and our bodies therefore leaving ourselves vulnerable to all kinds of ills from these White men, who obviously smell our greed from miles away. Similar with African men, you show them that you are after their pockets and they get back at you by misusing you sexually.

No man whether black or white can immediately resort to treating a woman badly if she appears motivated, focused and sure of herself. Even if some may try to push the buttons a little, the end result will most probably be a shameful telling off from the said woman. But a woman who appears unfocused and willing to do anything just for money, easily falls prey to those kinds of men whose view of women is perverted and out of the ordinary.

Of course there are those wazungus who have refused to let go of the slave mentality, according to Njoki Chege and therefore still view Africans as lesser beings, to be treated like a mound of dirt. However, activists have done a very good job over the years, in restoring the respect of the races that were once considered a minority.

And though their efforts have gone a very long way in changing the mindsets of those stubborn willed individuals reluctant to embrace change, it doesn’t mean that we can now sit pretty and assume that all is well. We have to continually carry on the mantle of activism not by acting cruelly or with contempt, but by showing those wazungus with the slave mentality, that they are the ones who have a lot of changing to do and not us.

Just because you have trouble paying your bills, dropped out of school, got children out of wedlock or lost a husband to hard liquor, does not mean that you should fall for that mzungu’s charms you see frequenting that restaurant you work in as a waitress. It does not mean that you should spend hours at a cyber, searching online for prospective White men, whom you have no way of telling if they are registered sexual offenders back home or not. It does not mean that every pale skin you see translates into wads of dollars likely to get you out of poverty.

It is this desperate and warped sense of mind by a section of Kenyan women, that lands them into hot soup with foreigners, not interested in true love but only a fulfillment of their out of this world sexual fantasies. Not all Mzungus you see visiting our country have ill intentions toward Kenyan women.

But how do we make them view us?

We make them view us as cheap women, lacking in any ounce of dignity, willing to go as far as engaging in beastiality acts, just to make some money for ourselves. To live the good (but miserable) life. We show them that we do not even appreciate the color of our skin, by lightening ourselves so that the Mzungu can love us more.

These foreigners are not fools. They smell insecurity, a willingness to prostitute, desperation and greed in us and they chuckle to themselves while they walk hand in hand down the street with you, once in a while groping your ass in public or planting a wet kiss on your lips. Things I’m 100% sure they would not do with a woman who carried herself with dignity or with their fellow white women.

I have seen Kenyan women get married to sober minded White men, who treat them respectfully and lovingly and all because the initial motivation behind their relationship, was not all about money and the perks of being associated with a Mzungu. Kenyan women need to learn that in order to get true love, you have to carry yourself as a woman deserving of true love and not a cheapskate. And as brash as Njoki sounds in this article, she speaks the hard truth.