You Can Never Change Commitment Phobes!


I don’t know why women try.

Why women allow themselves to go through the heartache that commitment phobes put them through.

I have had encounters with such types of men and It’s never pretty. I’m an urban born and bred, African woman in my mid twenties, with a desire to someday meet prince charming or whatever it is that is close to that. Oh, I just remembered that prince charmings no longer exist! So I’m probably in a fantasy world but a frog, that is halfway through transitioning into a prince, will do as long as its manners are princely and the froggy aspects camouflaged. Blame that last line on dark humor, for those who get it.

Frog Prince --- Image by © Alley Cat Productions/Brand X/Corbis

Frog Prince — Image by © Alley Cat Productions/Brand X/Corbis

So as I was saying, I have encountered self confessed commitment phobes. And the funny bit is that they are the most charming. Talkative, outgoing, with a huge clique of friends. Usually, they give you a real treat of fun in the initial stages, but the minute you start seeming like you care too much for them or that you want them to introduce you differently to their friends, they suddenly change. And in comes this overly serious and shifty demeanor. Before you know it, the guy has bolted.

Nowadays, there is a special breed of commitment phobes. Those who start with stories of how some chic they were dating hurt them badly until they are too wounded to love again. Lies! As far as I know, guys move on way faster than women. Despite them hurting, they man up and accept the situation. They equally know that just because one has let them down, doesn’t mean that now women have become extinct. They may have a couple of rebounds after that but it will only be a matter of time before an ex is completely replaced.

Men will get dumped in the morning and that same evening they are on a road trip to God knows where with a bunch of friends. Unlike women who will obviously hurt for days. Who might spend a whole day in nighties and in bed just because a relationship has suddenly gone sour. Yup, the hurt of a broken relationship is pretty much the same for both men and women but the fact that guys were socialized to man up from early childhood, they deal with it way better than us. As for those who commit suicide, those are probably wimps, forgive my term.

Anyways, this special breed will obviously do a good job in convincing a clueless woman how they can never love again because their hearts were broken. Be warned sister, this is simply a commitment phobe using a broken relationship as an excuse not to get serious with you. Or you might encounter the ones who pretend to care too much for you as a friend to not dream of hurting you. Phrases like “I respect you a lot to want to hurt you” might be thrown around or the classic “I don’t want to hurt youor “you are one of my good friends”.

Listen dear lady, this man is only fooling you so that you can stick around. Men know that women are a bunch of emotional creatures and that we yearn for commitment. And so by them affirming to us that they value our friendship, they already know that we will automatically take that to mean as a half commitment from them. That we will stick around for the booty calls in the hope that feelings will indeed grow from our so called friendship. This is actually a clever exit strategy from the man concealed with false declarations of care. And this one hurts worse.

Trust me you will feel like you are boiling in a pot when your “friend” starts being exclusive with a random girl he has just met. When you will realize that he took about a week, to make the decision to date her yet you have been sticking around, changing sex positions, to spice up the occasional booty call sessions with him.

You can never change commitment phobes, simple!

Nearly all urbanites have experienced a period in their lives when they were commitment phobic. I remember a guy friend of mine once blurting out in frustration how much I was scared of commitment. Did that make me any guilty? Hardly. I wasn’t in love with him therefore, there was no need for me to pretend to be, when I only thought of him as a friend. Maybe he thought he would bring me back to my senses with that accusation.

As a matter of fact, it made me want to run for the hills even faster. And I sure as hell did, like my life depended on it!

This my readers, is the case with all commitment phobes. You push for exclusivity, they run faster than a leopard. Some who simply do not care can resort to all kinds of ill treatment just to put you off. Some women are known to wait up to that point where a man starts ignoring your calls, calling you names and ignoring your texts. There is nothing compared to that hopeless feeling you get, when each time you send a man falling in this category, texts on Whatsapp and all you see are blue ticks, indicating he has read the text and he doesn’t bother replying.

Save yourself the trouble and exit before you get entangled with a commitment phobe who will only change when h/she wants to. Before y’all sensitive men start pointing fingers at me for being one sided, I have decided to include the term h/she even though countless times, I clearly state that this is a feminist blog. Oh well, I have no choice do I? Because ’em commitment phobes exist in both genders.

By the way, this is not a phenomenon to be loathed and persecuted. Everyone has their own reasons as to why they do not want to commit at a certain period and time in their lives. Your only mandate is to avoid being the victim of such because like Cruella de Ville of 101 Dalmatians, they will string you along then quickly discard you, as soon as they decide they want to move on to something else. If you are up to their sick game, you can keep in touch. If not, cut them off!


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