The Changing Phases Of Dating And Its Implications To A Proudly Feminist

I used to run a different blog in my other life, hehe. And then along the way I got tired of blogging on different subjects and finally settled on this one. However, by running that other blog, I quickly realized that my strongest blogging point is on the topic “relationships”. For those who have been reading this blog faithfully, you probably know by now that there are a couple of posts bordering on the same topic.

Anyways, anyone who has dated before and has broken up a couple of times too with the said boyfriends, might already know that dating has really changed nowadays. It has changed so much, to the extent where if all your agemates seem to be in happy relationships and are rapidly settling down in quick succession, you start wondering whether you are the person signaling the changing phases of dating.

Or in other words, you wonder whether you are truly jinxed for you to keep meeting and dating all kinds of garagarias. You start asking yourself whether those who eventually settle down and the sick lady, decides to chop off the man’s manhood 5 months or 6 months into the marriage, had really gotten their s***t together mentally, when they made that step to live under one roof. Then you come to the conclusion that you are probably safer being unmarried. You don’t want the whole stress baggage that comes with marriage and transforms otherwise “sweet” women into monsters overnight. And so you steer clear of relationships which signal the man might be anticipating for something more like marriage, perhaps. Almost as if accepting your “jinxed” state.

There was a time when people did not fear relationships. Where people were willing to make sacrifices for one another and to actually share their hearts with another. That time when the man’s worthiness as an eligible bachelor was not gauged by the size of his wallet or how many cars he had packed in his compound or which fancy residential area he resided in. Rather it was gauged by his character and at times, the kind of family he came from. Where love letters spoke deeply to the heart of a woman. Where a simple gesture of holding hands was equivalent to sizzling sex. And where the end result was almost always marriage, when for the first time, these two would eventually try what married couples did and with dizzying results. Where being beaten in marriage was actually a sign of love, believe it or not! These couples always sorted out their marital issues and ended up aging together.

Suddenly, money meant everything to people and the broker you were as a man, the less eligible you were to ambitious women. If your idea of a date was mandazi and chai at a dilapidated shack near where your equally sorry looking room, that you called a home was situated, then the only women you would be dating were househelps straight from the village and not yet corrupted by the city. But these too eventually ended up being bitten by the city bug and suddenly the broke assed men were not that alluring, as compared to their bosses’ husbands who worked well paying jobs and lived in comfortable homes. Who could afford to give them extra money to perm that kinky head, that had never before enjoyed the luxury of a blow dryer back in the village. Or who engaged in some hanky panky with them when the madam was away on one of her many business trips. At least the randy male bosses gave them reason to reply rudely to the madam when she returned or to saunter proudly away from her when she ordered instructed them to do some house chore.

Of course for some time the men had not yet realized the full intention of women to milk them dry for their own benefit. However, these lot are very smart indeed and soon enough, the men knew that all women were interested in, were their pockets and not their attributes or anything else other than money. And as if like payback, the men also decided that they were only interested in certain parts of the women’s anatomy, as a consolation for all the pocket money and finances they were dishing out to these women. But the women were not a lot to be left behind. If that is all the men wanted, in return for capital to run a business venture or a car or a house in a fancy upmarket area, then the women had no qualms giving that in return for something more beneficial to them.

Before we realized it, dating had become very selfish indeed. Before one decided to get into a relationship with someone, one asked himself or herself what was there in it for him or her whether physical or financially. Dating had since ceased being an emotional affair. It was a transaction which required the signing of a contract of sorts. And there came all sorts of types of relationships; ‘Sponsors’, cougar relationships, FWBs, girlfriend for convenience, trophy wife…. If you were lucky to get married, perhaps you only got married because an unplanned pregnancy spoiled things or the man marrying you seemed to be a one way ticket out of poverty for you. Some men literally married into rich homes for that very latter reason, do not be fooled!

And so for a woman to actually dismember her hubby, for something as petty as rent money as justification for such a drastic action, just know that many people nowadays do not marry out of love. That dating transformed a long time ago into more of a transaction between two people. And if either party does not deliver, then the transaction can be terminated in whatever way the aggrieved party deems it fit. Which justifies the FWBs who end up falling in love with the other being left in the cold, the young man who gets lured into a cougar kind of relationship, being thrown out of the house once the woman discovers he is seeing girls his age and husbands and wives killing their spouses or maiming them, for certain forgivable sins committed.

You can’t really hold it against a Proudly Feminist for developing a deep rooted fear of dating and marriage in recent times, can you??


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