To All The Women Who Lacked Earthly Father Figures…

So it’s Father’s Day today, Happy Father’s Day to all the men who have actually been real fathers to their sons and daughters. Notice I use the term “real fathers” because a lot of men are simply fathers and not real.

I actually played this game in the image with my own dad. I must have been 6 or 7 then but I relished stepping on his feet and have him walk forward while I seemed to be moving backwards, as evidenced by my squeals of delight. My dad happened to be in my life for a total of 12 years from the time I was born and that was it. Well, this post is not going to turn out to be a sob story of my life dear readers, so relax.

Anyways, today after quite a while since I last posted on this blog, I decided to speak to all the women who lacked earthly father figures (of course God in heaven is also our father no wonder the term I’ve chosen to use), and who are probably wondering what the fuss is all about today. Father’s Day, so what?! Kind of thinking.

Dear woman, whose father was probably an a***hole who left your mum when she was pregnant with you, or who married another woman or picked up a hooker, who squeezed him of all his hard earned cash and made him forget all about his family or who was a tyrant, child molester, an alcoholic or wife beater, you need not feel inadequate on this day.

There is a saying which goes something like “it’s easy becoming a father but way harder being a dad” which in essence is very true. Of course there is nothing very complicated about the whole aspect of sperm meeting an ovum in an act of unprotected sex between two consenting adults. However, the complications always come in when the man suddenly refuses to shoulder his responsibility or denies his child that the woman is carrying in her womb.

It so happens that a father is actually the first darling in his daughter’s life. When she comes of age, she will subconsciously gauge all the men she meets and dates according to how her father’s make up was. Sadly or normally, most fathers and especially in African society, are not usually the mushy types who will spend all their time dotting on their daughters, calling them princesses, giving them hugs and mouthing the words “I love you”.

And though times have changed, African fathers were known to express their love to their children by providing them with food, shelter, clothing and a decent education. As a girl child, you automatically knew that your father loved you if he went out of his way to sell a piece of land just to get you enrolled into campus. And if he walked you down the aisle on your wedding day as is required. Indeed, a sizable number of African women can attest to the fact that they never got a chance to be that close to their fathers, as much as they were close to their mothers.

Yet another sizable number of women from all races are battling daddy issues from fathers who failed horribly at being real dads. It is actually embarrassing admitting to suffering from daddy issues. Society views you as fragile, vulnerable sometimes even silly. You are supposed to suck it up and be strong. After all, everyone has their own problems to deal with and no time to pay attention to a grown ass woman, who can’t keep a man in her life because she expects him to love her, the same way a father is supposed to love a daughter.

Society dictates how we should be or act, like it or not. Society can be harsh and judgmental. Society is actually made up of you and me who secretly view ourselves as being superior and others as being inferior. Don’t expect me to sugarcoat anything here.

So dear woman who lacked an earthly father figure, forget about what this man has put you and your family through and focus on yourself. Do not in any way feel as if you need a man in your life for validation. Do not allow yourself to sink into the desperation pit of searching for a person of the opposite sex, who will hopefully fill that fatherly void. Chances are you will only stumble upon jerks out to take advantage of the fact that you seem unsure of yourself. No other man who is not your biological father, can successfully fill a fatherly void of an absentee dad. Except a step father who has the integrity to truly treat you as his own daughter, flesh and blood. Or a loving uncle or male guardian with no ulterior motive.

Accept that the reason your real dad left was because he was unworthy of you. And that a man who walks out on his own son or daughter is not worth the pain or the tears or your desperate attempts to try and get him to acknowledge you if he doesn’t want to. A man who subjects his own family to untold pain and suffering is not worth having that family by his side. He is not supposed to influence his daughter’s sex life just because he was a pervert who could not tell the difference between his daughter and wife. As a matter of fact, such a man of the latter kind deserves to remain behind bars for the rest of his life.

You are a strong woman, beautifully and wonderfully made and with brains to top it all. You deserve nothing but the best. You deserve to make rational decisions in your life. And so on this day, when the world celebrates the fathers, with a smile and heartfelt wish, turn to any man you know has proven to be a real dad and wish him a Happy Father’s Day 🙂 🙂 🙂

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