I have come to realize over time that this word submission has been highly misused. I think some cultures assume that women being the weaker sex should submit to the husband no matter what kind of treatment is being meted unto them by that same husband. If he is the philandering type, then the woman should turn a blind eye to his actions and not question him about the women he has been spotted with, going into a lodging at daytime or having drinks with at a bar somewhere when purporting to be working late. That she should accept the blame when the husband infects her with an STI as a result of his `can’t keep my zipper closed’ ways and actually denies being the one who infected her with it. Or worst case scenario, if he infects her with the deadly HIV virus and unfairly makes her carry the cross never mind that the woman has only had one sexual partner (her husband) ever since she got married.
That women should still respect a man who beats the daylights out of them on a daily basis often times over imaginary mistakes. And should they gather enough courage to stand up for themselves then they should be prepared for another beating for being
hardheaded bold. That women should only follow the husband’s instructions and decisions and never chip in because the husband being the head of the family, is a know it all and deserves total obedience even when he is being downright unreasonable. And even if the husband is a potato couch who does nothing, his wife should never complain despite the pressure he is putting upon her to be the sole provider for the family. If she happens to complain then she is dismissed as being haughty as a result of her increasing financial independence and immediately branded a no good wife. In fact, the money she makes should be given to the husband whether he has contributed in the business or not.
I know some sensitive men out there reading this will definitely go `also women cheat and act unfairly toward the men in their lives. It’s not only men.’ As a matter of fact, when i started this blog, i had to contend with a commenter who chose to take everything i posted personally like i was directly hitting at him when in the real sense, i didn’t even know him. I don’t dispute that fact by the way that women can also be abusers and cheaters. I know for a fact that there are women out there who still sleep around while married and take their husbands for granted. However, the nature of my blog favors the woman and for those who may be feeling a little aggrieved that i am not addressing the women who are putting the men in their lives through untold stress by their philandering or evil ways, kindly bear with me.
Patriarchal societies have ensured that women have been thoroughly oppressed and men given the upper hand never mind that some don’t even deserve it. There are communities in my country in this 21st century which would not allow women to mix with the men during a meeting. In fact, the women are relegated to the very back, a distance from the men. Does this mean that since women are the weaker sex then they are also equally stupid and have nothing of value whatsoever to contribute in a community meeting? Does this mean that women who carry babies in their wombs for 9 months, bring them forth into this world in excruciating pain, nurture those children until they become adults, till the land, carry firewood, cook, build houses (in some cultures in my country), have absolutely nothing to offer in the society except total submission to men who do not value them? As if that is not enough, some women have to endure FGM and suffer all their lives sexually as a result of the distortion of their genitals then still be treated as if their only mission in this world is to please the man sexually in marriage.
According to me, i believe that submission is earned and while i totally agree with submission to the husband in marriage, i know that a man who hardly places any value on a woman in his life makes it very hard for this woman to truly respect and obey him. I know that a woman equally deserves her respect no matter her level of exposure and literacy. It is women who keep the family together and running when the husbands are caught up in this fast paced world trying to eke a living and better themselves. Women have this hidden strength in them that enables them to persevere in situations like widowhood. For most men, they are known to marry immediately or a bit later after a wife’s death. For a sizable number of women in my country for example, they opt to raise their kids as widows and do not remarry. Mostly because society sometimes frowns upon a woman who remarries after her husband’s death. And even though it may not be easy raising children singlehandedly without the support of a husband, these women persevere. If at all the men did not really need the women in their lives and considered them an unnecessary bother, why then do they remarry after the death of a spouse or a divorce for that matter?
When this word submission is misused, then we have men treating women carelessly while reveling in the fact that since they are men and the heads of the family, the women will automatically submit to them. And should they show other signs not related to submission, then the men have a right to force them into submission. But what these men seem to fail to understand is that a very thin line separates submission from oppression. If you as a man is giving your bare minimum to a woman in your life and expecting submission in return or forcing it out of her, then that is oppression. All these other words such as culture, tradition, society are only being used to try and sugar coat the oppression of women by men who think they can get away with being tyrannical. And sadly, the women who deserve love and good treatment from their men end up suffering gravely largely because they are equally the weaker sex. In patriarchal societies, men bullying women is acceptable. Women standing up to the bullies is an abomination.