I don’t believe in chasing after someone who walked out on you.

I was watching a certain Trisha episode yesterday evening where this 28 year old woman wanted a particular man to admit that he had indeed fathered her. Now there was a son present belonging to the said `father’ of this same woman but from a different mother. And though it was quite obvious from their looks that they were father and daughter, the son and daughter chose to fight throughout the show while the father stuck to his story that he doubted she was indeed his because the dates just didn’t add up. Words were thrown and it was just an ugly mess for a show (i don’t know why Trisha allows this on her shows but who am i to judge anyway?) before the DNA results proved that this man was actually that woman’s father.

I couldn’t help though but wonder why at 28, this woman was so hell bent on proving that this man who had constantly denied her all her life, was her dad. Was it because she had battled daddy issues? Was it because she felt like she needed to vindicate her mum for getting pregnant at 14 by this man? Apparently, her mum had given her a detailed explanation of how it had all happened, including how many times she had sex with her daughter’s father the night she conceived. Sounds a little off and too much detail, right? I thought so too.

I have never been one to believe in chasing after someone who walked out on you. At 17, this boy would have stepped up and admitted to fathering that child whether the girl claimed otherwise. Instead, he chose to believe her when she claimed that he wasn’t the father, out of fear according to her side of the story, because he was a friend to somebody in her family. And he actually went ahead to convince himself that the dates did not add up and that he couldn’t have fathered that child for a total of 28 years! Wasn’t that enough proof for this mum and daughter that this man wasn’t interested in being a daddy? Was the DNA necessary if this woman had managed to raise her daughter without his support for a whole 28 years? Did this mum even realize that she needed to be proud of herself for bringing up this daughter whether this man was present in their lives or not?

Why women choose to second guess themselves in such scenarios like these has always remained a mystery to me.

Some unknown person stated clearly that `it is very easy to become a father but being a father, is much harder’.

There are hundreds of men who have fathered children, suspect that they are indeed the fathers to those children, haven’t been in contact with the mothers of those children for years, haven’t seen those children even and are perfectly OK living with that knowledge and doing nothing about it. Would it be wise for a woman to keep following this man whose actions clearly show he is not that interested?

I think it is high time that women stopped second guessing themselves and moved on. Close that chapter completely. It doesn’t matter whether you were once in a steamy relationship with this man or not. It doesn’t matter whether you bore him a child that now he can’t bear to look at or can’t imagine himself stepping up to the role of a father. If he walked out on you the minute you gave him the pregnancy news then he isn’t worth chasing nor is he worth being in that child’s life.

The reason why so many women are carrying such heavy burdens in their hearts is because they refuse to forget about men who have treated them like trash in the past. They refuse to find that closure for themselves without the man present to sort it out. Women need to know and realize that they are much stronger than they think. If they weren’t that strong, then the pain of bringing forth life would have been too hard for them to bear. But they indeed bear it with an unexplained courage whether it is the right time for them to become mothers or not. Whether it was planned or unplanned. And they still carry on with that same courage while raising kids whose fathers are putting no input whatsoever. Motherhood, as some Christian post i was reading stated, is indeed a blessing and not an unpleasant chore. What makes it unpleasant is women refusing to forgive that man who got them pregnant, letting go of the pain and forgetting about him.

I am of the school of thought that if he was indeed the one to walk away, then he should be the one to come looking and not the other way round. And that is the main reason why daughters or sons for that matter, who go in search of men who initially wanted nothing to do with them, suffer the pain of rejection and cold treatment from these men. It is high time that women and single mothers should instill high courage in their children so that those particular children should not feel like something is missing in their lives to the extent of embarking on a fruitless search for a father who doesn’t want you. If he didn’t want you when you were chubby and cute with those huge innocent eyes, what makes you think that he would want you when you are all grown with a beard thing going or fully woman? If he got off the hook then, 80% of the chances are he would still want to get off the hook now.

Men who father children and leave them hanging are actually cowards who should be left in their cowardly dance. It takes a hellova courage to step up and father that child who is a product of whatever relationship you had whether it was a one night stand or a friend with benefit thing or a teenage romance for that matter.

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